Warrior's Couple's Counseling
by Brighteyes of Thunderclan
Summary: After many moons of rehab, Mapleshade has decided to help others instead of killing them and ruining the lives of their kin. Hence, WCC co. She and everyone's favorite anger management therapist, Silverstream, set out to solve the Clan's problems. (Hmm) Amidst multiple issues (their's and other's), will they succeed or go out of business? Enjoy and don't mess with Mapleshade! :D
1. Introduction

**After an agonizing amount of school work (Ugh, math.) I have returned! And so, this is Warrior's Couple's Counseling, hosted by arguably one of the most evil cats ever to roam the Clans! Mapleshade! Hope ya like it :)**

A ruffled looking tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat whips her fluffy white tail irritably.

"Silverstream, where is my coffee?!" She yowls.

"Quiet Mapleshade, you know caffeine isn't good for your…condition." A lithe silver tabby purrs sweetly. "I brought you some nice tea instead."

"Where are you?" Mapleshade meows. "Great Starclan, who turned off the fine focus?"

"Mapleshade," Silverstream sighs. "This is life, not a camera. Put on your glasses."

"Glasses? What glasses? Where? For the love of all things Darkforest-"

"Starclan. Remember, Mapleshade, you're reformed." Silverstream corrected.

"-where are those glasses?"

Silverstream shakes her head and puts down the steaming mug of tea. Fumbling in her leather handbag, she retrieves a pair of black rimmed half moon spectacles. Holding them out it front of her, she offers them to the tortie. Mapleshade fumbles for them, "Oh, those glasses." but finally manages to put them on (a little crookedly). Silverstream fixes them with a kind smile.

"I can fix my own glasses!" Mapleshade hisses. Then the grumpy older she-cat takes the warm mug from her therapist. She sniffs it carefully, scowling at the happy yellow smiley-face cat painted on the mug.

"And I ain't got no stinkin' condition." She grumbles. "Is this Lipton? You know I can't stand Lipton. Lipton is sour. DEATH TO LIPTON!" She shrieks, hucking the mug at the wall. The yellow smiley cat shatters into a thousand pieces. The she-cat then unsheathes her claws, and begins viciously attacking her red armchair. "I HATE LIPTON! DEATH TO LIPTON! WHOEVER INVENTED LIPTON I WILL KILL YOU AND RUIN THE LIVES OF ALL YOU LOVE!" She snarls.

"Mapleshade-" Silverstream begins, but the tortie cuts her off.

"You can't even get me a decent cup of tea! It's about time I hired a _real_ assistant around here." Mapleshade gripes, fit of anger behind her.

"Oh, Mapleshade, just look what you did to that mug!" Silverstream sighs. "Those helpful cats at Happy Days Ahead Wellness Center gave you that one. I thought that by now your anger issues were behind us!"

"Oh, for the love of Starclan it's just a mug!"

"I liked that mug!"

"Yeah, well, Mr. Cheshire Grin over there-" Mapleshade argues, gesturing to the shattered yellow cat, "Was givin' me the creeps. Who the heck is that happy all the time?"

"It was a cartoon!" Silverstream rolls her eyes. "And just lok at this chair! Great Starclan, that's the third one this week! Now, if you don't mind, our first patients are waiting."

"Whose idea was it to do this whole thing anyway?" Mapleshade complains, walking over to the counsel room.

"Yours." Silverstream calls over her shoulder. "I'm going to go get you another drink."

"At least make it Earl Grey this time!" The tortoiseshell meows. She pads up to the large oaken door and enters.

" Hello, my name is Mapleshade. I've got a PhD in psychology, a doctoral degree in Law, 60 moons of rehab and at _least_ three life sentences. I am here to solve your problems." She shut the door.

**And it has begun! Here's a hint. Our first couple is rather famous, and I love 'em even though some find that a certain spotted she-cat would've been better with our favorite ginger...Whoops! I've said too much. I've got at least 37 episodes planned out sooooo yes. Will only continue if it gets a few reviews. I get discouraged somewhat easily. **


	2. Episode 1

**All I can say is: Holy crap! I didn't expect this much...Badger-size hugs to all of you!**

"Hello, my name is Mapleshade. I've got a PhD in psychology, a doctoral degree in Law, 60 moons of rehab and at _least_ three life sentences. I am here to solve your problems." Mapleshade meowed. Her two patients were sitting on the plush purple couch in front of the window. The pale ginger she-cat nodded to her, while the ginger tom gazed off into the distance. Mapleshade shut the door. Taking a seat in her matching purple chair, she picked up her clipboard from the small side table. Sliding her glasses partially down her nose, Mapleshade looked seriously at the couple on the sofa. "So, Firestar. Sandstorm. What brings you to Couple's Counseling today?"

"All he ever does is think about Spottedleaf!" Sandstorm bursts out angrily. "He daydreams about her, he talks in his sleep! 'Oh, Spottedleaf, I love you! Spottedleaf, don't leave me!" She mocks. Firestar doesn't respond, and just stares out the window. His mate continues. "It's all Spottedleaf this, and Spottedleaf that! 'Did I ever tell you about the time when Spottedleaf said I was cute?' 'Did I mention that Spottedleaf loved my hunting skills?' It's absolutely terrible! I'm supposed to be his mate! She's _dead_!" Sandstorm yowls.

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but he's dead too." Mapleshade states, pointing her pen at the ginger tom.

"You're not _helping_." Sandstorm growls.

"So, Firestar, how long has the tension between you and your mate been evident?" Mapleshade asked, shifting her attention to the former Thunderclan leader.

"Spottedleaf…" He murmurs.

"Firestar?" Mapleshade asks again.

"You're lucky." Sandstorm gripes. "He's not usually that responsive." Mapleshade shoots her a look. Sandstorm returns it indignantly. "Well, you're supposed to be fixing our relationship!" She meows, frustrated.

"Just let me do my JOB!" Mapleshade yowls. Suddenly, there's a light tapping at the door. "WHAT IS IT NOW?" The tortoiseshell warrior snaps. Silverstream's pretty tabby head pops in.

"Yoo-hoo! I heard yelling, so I decided to drop in!" She mews pleasantly, pushing open the door.

"Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?" Mapleshade growls.

"Brought you your tea!" Silverstream purrs cheerfully. "It's soothing honey and mint! It helps with your anger issu-"

"FOR THE LOVE OF THE DARKFOREST I-" Mapleshade yells.

"Starclan. Always Starclan dear, remember. And you really must control those anger iss-" Silverstream corrects again.

"I DON'T HAVE ANY ANGER ISSUES!" Mapleshade screeches, leaping at the silver she-cat.

"Hell_o_?" Sandstorm meows impatiently. "I'm here to solve _my_ problems?"

"Spottedleaf I love you…" Firestar sighs.

"Look what I have to deal with!" Sandstorm yells at the two tussling she-cats on the floor of the room.

"A little busy right now!" Silverstream snaps at the pale ginger queen. "Mapleshade! Control it!" She meows desperately.

"Gahhhh!" Mapleshade yowls as Silverstream pins her.

"Remember, Tillie said to take _deep_ breaths. One…and out. Two…and out." Silverstream grunts at the effort of keeping the large tortie on the ground. "And for Starclan's sake, stop drooling. Do you know how much this rug cost?" Mapleshade throws off her therapist and shakes out her fur. Adjusting her spectacles, she turns her attention to Sandstorm again.

"I'm so _very _sorry. Do forgive Silverstream. She's a bit touchy." She meows.

"Wha-? Me?! I never-oh, do I need an aspirin!" Silverstream groans, running out of the room.

"Where were we?" Mapleshade asks, seating herself. Sandstorm looks at her strangely but continues.

"So, Firestar won't stop thinking about Spottedleaf! I keep telling him 'She's dead, she died two times, she's never coming back!' But _no_, he doesn't pay _any _attention to _me_!" She shoots an angry glance at her mate. Firestar sits up and looks at her for the first time.

"Spottedleaf is dead!" He wails.

"Yeah, we've noticed." Sandstorm rolls her eyes.

"She's dead twice!" He wails.

"Again, my point-" The pale ginger she-cat sighs.

"Oh, Spottedleaf!" He whimpers. Mapleshade exhales exasperatedly.

"Yes, Firestar. Now, why do you get this all of a sudden?"

"I-I loved her!" He sobs. He stops suddenly, the fur rising along his spine. "You! You killed her!"

"I did?" Mapleshade wracks her brain. "Oh, yes, I did, didn't I? She fell like a tree struck by lightning…" Firestar glares at her. "Sorry, sorry. Moving on-"

"So this is all your fault! It's your fault he doesn't love me anymore!" Sandstorm shrieks, hurling herself at the scruffy tortie in the purple chair. Mapleshade reverts into attack mode.

"Get off of me, you scumbag! Filthy clancat piece of dung!" She hisses clawing Sandstorm's ears.

"Oh, forget it!" Sandstorm spits, removing herself from Mapleshade. "Come on, Firestar. We're going to go try Brindleface's School of Love across the street! She may be sappy, but at least _she _gets results!"

"But I need to kill this cat! It's her fault my Spottedleaf is gone!" His voice full of rage.

"Hurry up! It's her fault we're in this mess!" His mate yowls, shoving past Mapleshade's chair and out the door.

"Wait for me! We need to hire a hit-man! Call Tigerstar!" Firestar calls, racing after her.

"No!" Mapleshade cried out. "What about my pay? I charge ten squirrels an hour! Come back! We aren't done!" She hurries after her patients. "Come baaaack!" After they left, Silverstream entered the room.

"Mapleshade? Sandstorm? Firestar? _Hellooo_?" She meows cautiously. Just then, she sees two ginger cats streaking down the road out the window. A tortoiseshell blur raced after them, shouting "I WILL KILL YOU AND DESTROY ALL THAT YOU LOVE! RUN, BUT YOU CAN NEVER HIDE! MWAHAHAHAHA! AND YOU OWE ME SQUIRRELS!"

"We really have to work on that…" Silverstream mutters, pulling out her IPhone to call animal control. "Hello? It's Silverstream. Yes, Mapleshade is on a tyrannical rampage again. Uh huh. I _have_ been keeping her off coffee…"

**Poor Silverstream, what trouble will Mapleshade get into next? Our second couple has a fair amount of drama as well. But at least they don't have to deal with their son anymore! Can you guess who will sit in with our favorite dark forest warrior later? Stay tuned...**


	3. Episode 2

**Congrats to y'all who guessed correctly! And to Contrary to Popular Belief, it was supposed to be exaggerated. That's where the fun is! :)**

"Mapleshade, you would not _believe_ how much I had to cut out of our budget to bail you out!" Silverstream meows furiously as she and Mapleshade walk back to WCC after fetching Mapleshade from the Animal Control office. The reformed Dark Forest warrior rubs her wrists, wincing.

"The least they could do was loosen the paw cuffs a little." She grumbles. "Any longer and I'd have gone numb!" Silverstream rolls her pretty blue eyes.

"Well as long as we're back by-" She checks her little gold watch. "Great Starclan! We're late for our next appointment!" The silver tabby began to run down the street, calling over her shoulder, "Mapleshade, get a move on!"

"My old bones can't take much more of this running!" She yowls. As she runs after her therapist, she grunts under her breath. "I hope they actually _pay_ me this time."

Line break

The tortoiseshell she-cat bursts through the door to the counseling room, glasses askew and her tortie and white fur flying.

" *Gasp* Hi-my name's-*wheeze* Mapleshade. I'm here to*pant* solve your problems. *cough*" The scruffy queen says, collapsing into her purple chair. Instead, she hits a wooden box. "What in the name of the Dark Forest is-" She rasps, but Silverstream, who had just finished chugging a bottle of water outside the door, interrupts.

"It's Starclan, Mapleshade! How many times will I have to remind you?! And I already said, we had to make some…er…changes around here to get the money to bail you out." The tabby says, flinching as Mapleshade glares at her.

"And you just _had_ to sell my chair!" She hisses. Then, she looks down at the floor. "And the rug! And my table! Wait, just one minute, you even sold my _Clipboard_?" A rude "Ahem" stops her from continuing on her rant.

"What is it?" She snaps, looking to the corner where the guest's couch sits.

"Well, could we get on with it? We came here for Couple's Counseling, not 'Mapleshade chews out Silverstream'." A dark tabby tom growls. He and a long furred gray she-cat with a scarred muzzle sit across from her on a long cardboard box with flowers painted on it.

"Flowers?" The gray she-cat scoffs. "That's the best you could do? And a _cardboard box_? This better be worth it…" Silverstream huffs indignantly and stomps out of the room, slamming the door.

"Shut up, Yellowfang." The tom snarls.

"Raggedstar, stop acting like a whiny kit. It was my destiny to be a medicine cat, okay?" She meows, looking at him, her scorn replaced with annoyance and anger, maybe a tiny hint of sadness and regret mingled in between. Raggedstar's yellow gaze bore into hers, but she refused to look away.

"I am not a whiny kit! We could've been mates forever, raising kits together, leader and deputy. Side by side. But _no_ you felt more of a connection with a pile of leaves than me! How am I ever supposed to forgive that?" He spits.

"You may not be able to forgive, but you could've at least tried to understand!" She hisses, hackles rising. "Instead, you went off acting like a pompous brat, a vain, arrogant, self-absorbed, moody mousebrain!" Mapleshade's eyes bounced back and forth, as if watching a Ping-Pong match.

"_And _it's your fault Shadowclan was wrecked! You gave birth to _it_!" Raggedstar rumbles, pulling out his wallet and pointing to a picture of Brokenstar on his first birthday.

"_My_ fault?!" Yellowfang screeches. "Who fueled his ambition? You!" Finally, Mapleshade popped in, just as Raggedstar unsheathed his claws.

"Whoa, now. Hold up! No need for claws here, this is merely a talking room." She meows. Raggedstar turned to her, yellow eyes blazing.

"Stay out of this, mange pelt!" He snaps.

"Oh, you did _not _just go there!" Mapleshade yowls, leaping at the dark brown tabby. The former leader of Shadowclan was prepared, though. He lunged at Mapleshade, tackling her like a pro-linebacker. Mapleshade slashes his muzzle. "I'm fine with murderer, I can deal with rogue, kitty-pet, betrayer, and scum. But do _not_ call me a mange-pelt!" Silverstream pops her head in the doorway.

"Oh, yes, I forgot to mention! Don't use the m-a-n-g-e-p-e-l-t word. It's her trigger word." She glances down at the two scuffling warriors. "Guess I'm too late!"

"Don't hurt my Raggy-poo!" Yellowfang shrieks as Mapleshade kicks him in the gut and pins Raggedstar to the floor. The gray she-cat leaps at Mapleshade, "Die! Die, you evil she-cat! You're even worse than my crazy co-host!" Mapleshade writhes beneath Yellowfang's grip. Raggedstar and his mate share a loving look.

"Wow!" He meows. "I didn't realize you still know how to fight!"

"I never stopped being a warrior." Yellowfang purrs. "Just like I never stopped loving you."

"I love you too!" Raggedstar smiled. "Especially because you can still fight! Can we kill her together?"

"Why not?" Yellowfang grinned. They both look down at Mapleshade, who just glares at them both.

"Nooo!" Silverstream cries, running into the counseling room. "She may be obnoxious and have anger issues, but don't kill her! Where would I find a job?" She wails, pushing the lovers off of the angry tortie. Raggedstar and Yellowfang shrugged and walked out of the office, tails entwined.

"Mapleshade! Don't leave me!" Silverstream mewed. "Or at least, before you do, pay me first!"

"You fool!" Mapleshade growls. "Go after them! They owe us squirrels! And a couple of Ben Franklins to pay for this enormous headache!"

"Yay! You're okay!" Silverstream squeals, clapping her paws.

"Hurry up and go! They're getting away!" The tortoiseshell queen snaps. As Silverstream runs off to catch Yellowfang and Raggedstar, Mapleshade heaves herself to her paws. Shaking out her fur, she grumbles, "If this is what success feels like, I might as well go back to rehab. It was so much more peaceful! If that's what Nightcloud has to deal with, I pity the poor thing." Then, she pauses. "Me? Pity? For the love of all things dark and dreadful, I must be coming down with something."

**Aw, poor Mapleshade! But at least they might get paid for this one. Who knew attacking Mapleshade was good for couples? Bonding time! Our next pair here on WCC is one troubled by a certain tortie and white she-cat...can you guess who?**


	4. Episode 3

**I had no idea this would be so popular! Here's episode 3...**

Mapleshade and Silverstream sat in a little Café. The silver tabby daintily sipped her mocha latte while Mapleshade continuously burnt her tongue with her mango tea.

"Whoever decided to combine mango and hot water together is even better than Tigerstar!" The tortie meows gleefully. Silverstream shot her a look over the edge of her coffee cup. "Right, sorry. _Any _cat's better than Tigerstar." She meows sheepishly. Silverstream nods.

"I'm so happy I chose to come here instead of that whole Rent-A-Room thing down the street!" She purrs. "Now that our place is being renovated, this is the perfect place to hold our counseling session today!"

"Yeah! Who knew Raggedstar was such a big shot in Apple? " Mapleshade agrees. She attempts to take another sip of her tea. "Gah! Still hot! Still hot!" She screeches, leaping out of her chair and dashing to the service counter. The bored looking she-cat behind the counter just glances at Mapleshade and calls over her shoulder,

"Gus, we need another ice-cube for the crazy one at Table 3." A plump gray tom in a greasy apron bounces over and hands the ragged queen an ice-cube.

"There ya go! Tha' tea's a killa'!" He mews, shoving the ice-cube into Mapleshade's gaping jaws. She sighs with relief and ambles back over to her table. Silverstream shakes her head.

"That's your ninth ice-cube! Your tea's probably cold by now! Or your mouth's going to go numb before our guests arrive!" She chides. Mapleshade looks her in the eye and spits her ice-cube at the silver she-cat. "AGH! EW EW EW EW EW!" Silverstream shrieks, and she leaps up, bouncing up and down on her paws and trying to shake the Mapleshade slobber out of her fur. "EW EW EW!" The tortie just laughs.

"You missed a spot!' She chuckles, swiping her paw with her tongue and smearing it on Silverstream. The pretty she-cat screams and runs to the bathroom. Mapleshade leans back in her chair, satisfied with how it all worked out. Just then, a large, blue-gray tom and a pretty, sleek, silver-gray she-cat with dark stripes walk into the Café. Spotting Mapleshade, they pad over. Mapleshade greets then with a smile. "You must be our newest patients. Welcome to WCC. Our office building is currently under renovation and this is our new meeting place. Please, pull up a chair, make yourselves comfortable."

"So you're Mapleshade? You seem a lot more…chipper in person than in your stories." The she-cat meows, gracefully seating herself across from the scruffy counselor. The tom does the same.

"Well, you're lucky to have caught me in a good mood. Earning money always eases anger!" She mews pleasantly. The gray tom rolls his eyes.

"Moonflower, why did you drag me to see this old thing?" He says, looking at Mapleshade.

"Because I love you, Stormtail. And I want to get our relationship back on track." She mews, her voice full of compassion for the large blue-gray tom.

"What is the problem with your relationship, may I ask?" Mapleshade wonders, pulling a pen out of her leather briefcase along with her spectacles.

"Well, I love Stormtail! But he-he isn't a loving mate. I don't know why!" Moonflower whimpers. Stormtail rolls his eyes, and speaks in an exasperated tone.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times! I never loved you! You were just pretty, so I thought, 'Hey, she's pretty. Maybe we'll have kits, they'd probably be pretty cool.' I never thought you'd actually think I _loved _you." Moonflower's eyes filled with tears.

"Goosefeather was right! I never should've taken you as a mate!" She wails. Mapleshade nods.

"Yeah, Stormtail's a jerk face. Didn't you not notice when your mate died because you were saving Dappletail or something?" Moonflower began to bawl.

"I never knew thaaaaat!" She sobs. Stormtail shrugged.

"Well, Dappletail was pretty. And she was young. I was ready to move on by then, I mean, it wasn't like my relationship with Moonflower was _serious_. And besides, Dappletail actually got me. And did I mention she was young? And pretty?" Mapleshade shakes her head.

"Stormtail, you're an absolute total jerk. I don't know what-" She was cut off by a light, cheerful mew.

"Oh, hi Stormtail!" A pretty tortie and white she-cat walks up to the table where the three cats were sitting. "What're you doing here?" The she-cat's blue gaze swept over Moonflower and Mapleshade. "I thought you said you never loved her!" She pouts.

"Dappletail, I don't! She dragged me here! I swear on Starclan, I would never love her more than you, honey-bunches!" He meows quickly. Moonflower's yellow eyes narrowed, and they burned like fire when Dappletail and Stormtail nuzzled each other.

"Don't you take touch my mate, fleabag!" She screeched, launching herself at the pretty young she-cat. As the two mates of Stormtail wrestled, they rolled back and forth, knocking over tables and sending cats running.

"Call 911!" A black and white tom shrieked.

"Ahhh! Run for your lives!" A cream furred she-cat wailed.

"I thought I left this all behind me when I joined Starclan. But _no_…" A dusky brown she-cat mutters.

"Come on, Mousefur. Let's go brunch at Daisy's Ye Olde Muffin Shoppe instead." Longtail sighs, shooting a harsh glare towards the wrestling cats. Stormtail didn't even notice, because he had leaped into the fray, shouting,

"Nobody hurts my Dapple-kins!" Mapleshade just watched gleefully. Silverstream, emerging from the bathroom at long last, heard the shrieks of angry cats.

"Oh, great Starclan, not again!" She groans, rushing towards the commotion. Once she arrived, she was surprised to see Mapleshade wasn't fighting. The tortoiseshell she-cat turns and grins at her therapist.

"Isn't this great? It's even better than when I killed Willowbreeze and Crookedstar's heart shattered! If only I had some popcorn…" Silverstream tries to ignore the piece about her parents.

"Mapleshade! If they die, it'll be terrible!" she wails. Mapleshade looks at her, confused.

"Dying? Death? Terrible? _No._" She mews. Silverstream shakes her head and puts it in a form that her annoying patient will understand.

"No! Mapleshade, if they die, we won't get paid!" She screams. Mapleshade sits bolt upright.

"What did you just say?"

"You heard me!"

Mapleshade taps Moonflower on the shoulder. "How about we hurt the jerk together?" The silver she-cat nods in agreement. Then Mapleshade turns to Dappletail. "Stormtail's such a player. I saw him having coffee with Honeyfern the other day. He told me she's his new mate." Mapleshade grins at the lie. Dappletail's eyes widen with hatred. All three she-cats began to brutally attack the blue-gray tom. Silverstream just shakes her head.

"Silver, girl, prepare to call your attorney…again."

**Yet again, Mapleshade's getting herself into trouble. But with Moonflower and Dappletail to back her up, who knows what will happen at the court house. Anyway, I sorta put my feelings for Stormtail into this one...heh heh bias much? I can't stand that cat...Anyway our next couple is rather well known. The whole "they aren't my kits? I hate you!" thing...update soon!**

**-Bright**


	5. Episode 4 Part 1

**Good lord I am so sorry! I've been trying to get this episode finished but it's been almost two weeks and ughhhhhh I hate school...So sorry guys!**

Mapleshade and Silverstream walk away from a large brick building. The tortie she-cat is contentedly sucking on a lemon lollipop.

"I love lemon! It's delicious! So much better than bubblegum…sickeningly sweet, that one is." She meows, swiping her tongue along the side of the round yellow pop.

"Do you _really _have to get a lollipop _every time_ we go to the bank?" Silverstream groans.

"Of course! And do remember, I am the reason we got paid at all! You were in the bathroom the whole time, 'Ewww Mapleshade spit!'" Mapleshade snickers. Her therapist glares at her.

"That was your fault, and it was absolutely disgusting!_ And do remember_," She mimics, "That it was _also_ your fault Stormtail sued us for personal injury!"

"Yeah, he sued us, and yeah, he won, but Dappletail and Moonflower paid us!" Mapleshade argues, talking around her lollipop. "I mean, who would've thought beating up Stormtail led them to 'Self discovery' and 'Venting pent up anger'" She quotes from the notes Berrynose, their lawyer, had given her. "Aw, look! Even his handwriting is handsome!" Silverstream rolls her eyes.

"Seriously, get _over_ him! He has a mate!" She sighs.

"He could be my new mate! We'd rule the clans together, killing any cat that ever wronged us and ruining the lives of their kin!" Mapleshade purrs.

"What did I say about revenge? Revenge is bad, killing is bad, and maiming is bad." The silver tabby admonishes.

"Whatever." Mapleshade gripes. "Who's our couple today?"

"Oh, the usual troubled young pair. Bramblestar and Squirrelflight." She responds, waving a paw in the air at a yellow cab. "Taxi! Taxi! Oh, for Starclan's sake, can't you hear me? TAXI!"

"And so, what's their problem again?" Mapleshade asks, climbing into the cab.

"Oh, they're just- 45th street, please. -See, Squirrelflight's sister had kits with Crowfeather, but she was a medicine cat so she gave the kits to Squirrelflight who lied to Bramblestar and told him they were his. It all escalates, and he hates her. Blah, blah, blah…Oh, can't you step on it? We're going to be late!" Silverstream snaps. The orange tabby in the driver's seat jumps up and slams his paw on the gas pedal.

"Whoa, what's up with _you_?" Mapleshade looks over at her therapist. "I thought _I _was the grumpy one!"

"Well, Graystripe and I have been having…_issues_ with our relationship. Nothing serious, but still…" She meows. "But enough about me. We have a couple to council! WILL YOU HURRY UP ALREADY?!" She screeches at the tabby up front. Mapleshade winces.

"When we get back? I think you should lie down, maybe see a doctor…" She glances at Silverstream, whose claws are already a couple inches deep in the taxi seat.

"I don't need a doctor, silly!" She purrs, but it morphs into a growl.

"Maybe not a doctor…" Mapleshade meows carefully, "But maybe some meds." The taxi grinds to a halt as the three cats reach their destination, the intersection of W 45th Street and 9th Ave, next to Juice Generation and across from Brindleface's School of Love.. Silverstream leaps out of the car and rushes to the glass door, where a dark tabby tom and a bright ginger she-cat stand, arguing.

"Hello!" She chirps, nodding at each of the cats separately. "Welcome to Warrior's Couple's Counseling. Please step inside." After fumbling in the taxi with her purse and hurriedly paying the ginger tabby, Mapleshade runs after them, slamming the front door behind her.

"And so, Bramblestar, has receiving your nine lives and becoming a leader of Thunderclan changed your views on anything?" Mapleshade asks, glancing over at the dark tabby. He was stretched out on a plush green couch while his mate, Squirrelflight, sits stiffly beside him.

"Yes, I believe it has, Mapleshade. I've now realized that as leader, I have to think of and care for, the entire clan as if they were my own children. This has opened my eyes, and I realize I was wrong to turn away Squirrelflight. When I made her deputy, it was my way of trying to apologize, and show her I still trust her, and-"

"A little late for that!" The ginger she-cat hissed, green eyes blazing. "If you weren't so arrogant and stuck in your ways, I might still love you! But no! No, it's _far_ too late for that!" Bramblestar's amber eyes well up.

"Squirrelflight please, please just understand! I was so hurt! It took so long to…to even begin to heal! My love, just understand."

"I tried to understand for moons, Bramblestar. Moons! I just can't take it anymore! I can't take your mood swings, your untrusting nature, your-ugh! I can't stand _you_!" She wails.

**Pauvre, pauvre Bramblestar. Il n'a pas de la chance. Sa femme le déteste, au moment où il l'a trouvé dans son cœur à lui pardonner.**

**Translation: Poor, poor Bramblestar. He isn't so lucky! His mate hates him, right when he's found it in his heart to forgive her. **

**Well, this episode was, like, four pages long in Word so i decided to make it two parts. Hope ya like! Please comment below, with any questions, suggestions, comments (duh) etc. Love y'all and update soon! (Literally, in, at the most, two minutes.)**


	6. Episode 4 Part 2

**And we're back! Please, read on...**

"Please, no yelling!" Mapleshade whispers. She glances at the door, where Silverstream had disappeared once they had arrived. "Silverstream already has a headache! And she's a nightmare when she's angry!"

"Hyporiteeee" Squirrelflight and Bramblestar mutter simultaneously. The ginger she-cat shoots him a look and he moves closer to her, almost cautiously. Squirrelflight doesn't move away.

"Squirrelflight? See? We're still alike. We're not too different now, after so many moons apart."

"Bramblestar, this doesn't mean anything, I-"

"You two, why don't we remember the _good_ times you had together, not the bad." Mapleshade interrupts before it escalates.

"Remember the great journey?" Bramblestar sighs wistfully. "You were so energetic, and all I wanted to do was complete the journey and get home! You were always so bouncy and distracting…in such a wonderful way."

"You were a grouchy fur ball. But, it became somewhat endearing." The ginger she-cat admits grudgingly. Then, stifling a purr, she says, "You were so young and handsome back then. And I could tell you cared, whenever I talked to Stormfur you would always bristle up, and huff, and pull me away."

"I still do care." The dark tom murmurs, pressing himself against his mate. "I've always cared, but haven't been the best at showing you how much I love you." Mapleshade watched as Squirrelflight practically melted before her very eyes.

"What is this? The Wizard of Oz? I mean, we all know Squirrelflight's weird, but a witch?" A sharp emerald glare from said she-cat silences the former Dark Forest warrior. Squirrelflight turns to Bramblestar and her glare softens into a warm, gentle gaze towards her mate.

"Oh, Bramblestar. I've missed this side of you." She meows, and with that she presses her cheek against his.

"And I've just missed you. I've cared about you ever since you saved me from the water at the sun-drown place. Oh, Squirrelflight, I don't think you've ever truly realized the depth of my feelings for you."

"I see it now. I love you too, forever and always." She replies. The two cats sit on the couch, staring into each other's eyes, their tails entwined.

"Well, this is great! Our first true all-problems-solved meeting! And without a single fight!" Mapleshade grins gleefully. She pads over and pats Bramblestar on the shoulder gently. "Now, you just sit tight dear, reconnect and all that, but don't forget about that checkbook…Our miracle-working services aren't free, you know!" She purrs. Bramblestar nods without truly hearing what the tortie she-cat said.

"Mmhmm…whatever you say…now if you please excuse us…" He lifts a paw and sticks it in Mapleshade's face, pushing her away.

"Well _excuse_ me, buster! Don't you forget who talked some sense into your mate!" She spits indignantly. Squirrelflight turns and gives her a look that clearly says _Shut up or you won't have anything left to talk with._ Mapleshade hustles away, seeing that clearly this she-cat is not one to mess with.

"Enough about them!" She whispers to herself, smiling. "I've gotta go tell Streamy the good news!" The tortie runs down the hall and to Silverstream's office. Mapleshade bursts through the door, cheering:

"IT'S A SUCCESSSSSSSSS! WE DID IT! GO MAPLE! Go silver. GO MAPLE, and Silver, BUT MOSTLY MAPLE! GIMME AN M! GIMME AN A-wait, why aren't you givin' me any letters, girl?" She asks. "Actually, where are you?" Looking around the room, there was no Silverstream in sight. "Silverstreeeeam? _Silver_streeeeeam? Where _are_ you?!" Mapleshade hurries around, pulling open drawers and throwing open curtains. "Nope, not here…not here either…Ooo! A sausage! Not here…not behind that…not under this…all that's over here is dust bunnies. For the love of the dark, dank, and creepy where did that furshlugunna Riverclan she-cat go off to?" Mapleshade knocks down the last closet door and sees her friend curled up in a corner, her silver fur dusty and ruffled. The tabby she-cat moaned.

"Gra-gra-gay? Gaystr-Gayspr-Gaysprite? Is-is that yuur? Ma-ma luuurve…Gaysprite…no, no, Gaystripe. Graysprite. Yersh in-deedy….tha's ma maaann…" She mews slowly, her words slurred. Mapleshade notices the empty whiskey bottles rolling around the bottom of the closet.

"Great, terrible Dark Forest, Silverstream…we've got to get you your _own_ therapist!" Mapleshade exclaims.

**Uh oh...maybe Streamy's the next one on the couch! Mapleshade may need to reschedule the next couple...then again, a certain gray playah is up next anyway...Said too much! Update soon! Byeeeeeeeeee**

**ps. For all who don't know, furshlugunna and Gaysprite were references to two of the funniest things ever, the former to Hercules (disney version) and the latter to Starkit's prophecy (rewrite by a person, and now I can't. Freakin. Find it! Ugh!)**


	7. Episode 5

**Hi! To make up for not updating in like 2 weeks, it's gonna be updated twice this weekend! Here's episode 5...**

Mapleshade sighs. Sitting in her purple armchair, she waits for Silverstream to bring her morning tea.

"Will ya hurry it up in there? The next couple's almost here, and they certainly won't be as patient as me!" She yowls furiously. A face that…isn't Silverstream's pokes it's way around the corner of the wall.

"It's not my fault I don't know where she stores the tea bags!" He growls, green eyes flashing. Mapleshade gasps.

"What are you doing here? You're dead!" The tom rolls his eyes.

"You're dead too, stupid." He meows.

"But…but I ruined your life! Why are you here? Silverstream is this some practical joke or something?" She yowls, looking around for the silver tabby to pop out of nowhere and go "You just got served!" like she had on Monday. "I swear, if you replaced my scrubby poof with a hedgehog again, I'm gonna make a fur coat outta you!" She screeches. The brown tom rolls his eyes yet again.

"My daughter decided to take a mental health day, Mapleshade. I told her I'd step in for her no matter how much I _despise _you and disapprove of your business partnership. I mean, really, she could've chosen someone a bit more…well, likeable. Or helpful. Or nice. Or even mildly pleasant! You're just, eugh!" He shudders. Mapleshade's amber eyes narrow and she snarls.

"Wanna say that to my face, kitty? Or are you too scared of what I'll do to you _this_ time?"

"I'm only here for today." He sighs. He pads over and hands the tortie she-cat her tea. She glances up at him suspiciously.

"You didn't poison it, did you?" She meows.

"Of course not!" The tom answers, shocked. "I'm not you!" Mapleshade huffs and takes a cautious sip of the tea.

"Agh! It's Lipton! DIE! DIE! DIE!" She hurls the cup at the floor, shattering it and sending herbal green tea flying everywhere.

"Ahhhh!" The tom screams, ducking for cover. Mapleshade's fury dies down and she laughs.

"I didn't know you were such a wuss, Crookedstar. I expected more of you! After all, you were my apprentice." She grins. Crookedstar ignores her. Then, the doorbell rings suddenly.

"Comme te po' capi chi te vo bene, sit u le parle 'mmiezzo Americano? Quando se fa l'ammore sotto 'a luna, come te vene 'capa e di: 'I love you?!' Pa pa l'americano!" The techno hit 'We no speak Americano' begins to play over the speakers. Crookedstar and the to guests at the door collapse and cover their ears. Mapleshade, meanwhile, laughs maniacally and starts breakdancing in the lobby. The blaring music shakes the building until it finally stops. Crookedstar stifles a guffaw when he sees that Mapleshade didn't even notice that the music stopped. She just continued on, doing headspins and windmills, and finally completing her routine with a series of jackhammers. The gray tom and a small silver tabby she-cat burst out laughing.

"That, was one of the most ridiculous things I've _ever_ seen!" The tom crows. Mapleshade huffs indignantly.

"It is not _ridiculous_! I take lessons! That, right there, was four moons of backbreaking, tail-aching work! So _excuse _you!" Crookedstar took a few deep breaths, trying to compose himself.

"Well, that was…very, erm, impressive Mapleshade." The tortie puffs up with pride.

"Now, who are you? Are you my couple today?" Mapleshade asks, turning to the pair standing in the doorway.

"Yes. My name is Graystripe and this is my mate, Millie." The gray tom meows. Crookedstar stiffens.

"Hold up now! Graystripe, you are my daughter's mate! Not the mate of some infernal kittypet!" He growls. Graystripe flushes.

"Well, um…" The little she-cat leans into him and says, a bit too loudly,

"Dear, don't you think we should try a less…strange place? I heard Brindleface's School of Love is quite excellent. And I really don't feel comfortable consorting with your…ex-mate's father. Do you?"

"Ex-mate? EX-mate? Since when was she your- Since when was- How could you-? You dirty little cheat!" Crookedstar blusters, puffing himself up like an overstuffed turkey. "Now, you listen here, youngster, I will not stand for you and-"

"Crookedstar! Why don't you get me some more tea, hmm?" Mapleshade purrs sweetly, pushing the brown tom away from the couple.

"But Mapleshade, he, they-" Crookedstar protests.

"Not now!" She hisses. "Or you'll lose me a paying customer! I can make your life miserable again, do you hear me? Miserable! Now go get the tea!" Mapleshade turns to Graystripe and Millie, smiling.

"Don't mind him. Now where were we? Oh, right, follow me, this way…" She whirls around, walking towards the door to the counseling room. "And Crookedstar?" She calls over her shoulder. "Make sure it's not Lipton!"

"Now, why are you two here today?" Mapleshade asks, glancing at the cats on the couch over the top of her half-moon spectacles.

"Well," Graystripe begins, "She doesn't love all of our children equally! She always fusses over Briarlight and completely ignores Blossomfall and Bumblestripe, unless, of course, she's hissing at them!" Millie glares at the thick furred tom.

"I don't hiss at them! And I do not fuss over Briarlight!" She snaps.

"_Denial!_" Mapleshade purrs in a sing-song voice. Graystripe shoots her a look.

"You do too fuss over Briarlight! Can't you see she doesn't like it? She wants to feel like a real warrior and she can't do that with you breathing down her neck all the time! And what to you think pushed Blossomfall into going to the dark forest? Maybe her mother neglecting her!" He argues.

"How about her always absent father, hmm? You're never there for any of them!" Millie hisses, silver fur bristling.

"I'm always there for them! Who helps bBumblestripe with his love life? Who consoled Briarlight after you ran around screeching that she was going to die? Who paid attention to Blossomfall after Briarlight's accident? That's right. Me! I did everything!" He growls. Millie looks lost, blue eyes shining with tears. "You know it's all true!" Graystripe meows.

"Yes well-well, the real reason we're here is because you love Silverstream more than me!" Millie wails.

" Who wouldn't?" Mapleshade mutters, casting an annoyed glance at the silver tabby. Millie hears her and begins to cry. "I mean, it's obvious that you're a Silverstream replacement. You look just like her, but you're selfish, annoying, and not talented in the least! Who wouldn't love Silverstream more?" Mapleshade continues. Graystripe leans closer to Mapleshade.

"Is it really that obvious?" He whispers anxiously.

"Duh, to anyone with eyes!" Mapleshade snorts. "Now go, get her outta here!"

"I'll pay you if tell her she's pretty." Graystripe mutters under his breath.

"Why do you want to keep _her_?" Mapleshade asks, shocked. "Even your kits don't like her!"

"No, they love her deep down." Graystripe argues. Mapleshade just looks at him, disbelief evident in her gaze. "Very deep down." Graystripe corrects. Mapleshade keeps looking. "Like in the bottom of the deepest, blackest pits of their hearts." Graystripe mews. Mapleshade nods, satisfied. Graystripe walks over, placing his tail over Millie's shoulders. "Oh, dearest, I love you. I'm sorry I got so upset."

"Yeah." Mapleshade meows. "I mean, you're pretty. I was just…umm…defending my therapist." Millie sniffs and looks up, a faint smile on her muzzle.

"Really? You mean it?" She asks between sniffles.

"Of course, love." Graystripe purrs. "You're beautiful!"

"That is _it_!" Crookedstar roars, bursting into the room. "You fluffy gray player! You're going to mates with my daughter only, whether you like it or not!" He yowls, launching himself at Graystripe. The tom's yellow eyes widen as the huge Riverclan leader soars through the air and lands square on top of him, growls, claws unsheathed.

"Don't hurt my stripey-kins!" Millie yowls, throwing herself at Crookedstar.

"Man, could I use some popcorn!" Mapleshade meows gleefully.

"Shut up, fleabag! This is war!" Crookedstar snarls from inside the rolling heap of gray, silver, and brown fur. Mapleshade rolls her eyes.

"Still, I wish I had a camera! Maybe this is a reason I should get one of those new fangled cell-phone thingies." She muses, watching the cats battle it out on the shaggy striped rug. She watches as Graystripe, desperate to get out of the claws of his angry father in law, digs his own into the little side table, sending it crashing down on top of him. Mapleshade gasps with horror as it shatters into a million splinters. She runs into the lobby, snatching at the cherry red landline. Speed dialing, she screeches frantically at the cat on the other end of the line, "911! 911! Somebody help! GRAYSTRIPE JUST MURDERED MY MAHOGANY!"

**Yikes! Anyway, our couple for next time is a certain evil tom and a sweet she-cat, mother of one of my favorite white warriors! Can ya guess who?**


	8. WCC Silverstream's Return

**Hey y'all! This isn't a _true_ episode, but I couldn't just toss an assistant in there, now could I? Newest couple's session up next! (You guessed right, thugh. All of you!)**

"Silverstream! You're back! Finally!" Mapleshade shrieks as the silver tabby she-cat steps through the glass doors of WCC co. The silver cat's eyes had regained their sparkle and her fur gleamed, looking freshly groomed and styled.

"Mapleshade! Was my father that terrible, or did you _actually_ miss me?" She laughs, reaching out to give Mapleshade a hug. The tortie shrinks back, shivering.

"You know I hate touching! Ew, touching! It's too…happy. Cheerful. Friendly. _Good_. It makes my skin crawl. And Crookedstar sucked. I have never met a cat with such terrible issues, he shouldn't let anger and hatred control his life." She rants. Silverstream rolls her eyes.

"Isn't that what _you _do?" Mapleshade huffs indignantly.

"Of course not! Remember I am reformed…well, sort of anyway." Silverstream just shakes her head slowly.

"Well, it's certainly…interesting to be back."

"Speaking of which, on your 'Mental health day'," Mapleshade air quotes with her paws, "Did you figure out what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me." Silverstream meows. "I just had far too much stress in my life. Graystripe, his relationship with that…me clone Millie. Ugh! What does he see in her, other than myself? Doing all of the bills and cleaning and stuff around here," She gestures with her paw to the looming building they owned for their business. "and all that. So, I decided to hire a _real_ assistant! Allow me to introduce…Hawkfrost! Hawkfrost, meet Mapleshade. Mapleshade, meet-"

"Frosty!" Mapleshade squeals, throwing herself at Hawkfrost. "I thought I'd never see you again! Remember all the fun we had in the dark forest together? Torturing Clan cats…training mindless killing machines, bathing in the oily waters of the River of Misery, having enslaved Clan cats wear chains and play harp music while they fed us grapes as we lounged on satin couches in flowing white togas-"

"Umm I don't remember any of the last part…" Hawkfrost meows uneasily.

"Must've been a dream. But now it can be a reality! We can shackle Streamy, and make it all come true! Then, we can get married and have billions of conniving little antagonists together! We could name one Hawk Jr.! And one could be Maple Jr., and one could be Mawk…no, or Haple…no, ew…Mosty? Hade? Hade! Hade can be one of them! He'll take over Riverclan, Maple Jr. can take over Thunderclan, Hawk Jr. can take over Riverclan…oh, we'll have armies of them! " The tortie would've rambled on and on if Hawkfrost hadn't pushed her off of him. "Frosty, what's the matter?"

"Well, I'm kind of in a relationship right now…" He meows slowly.

"What?!" Mapleshade screeches. "You're cheating on me?!" She leaps onto the tom, claws unsheathed.

"Mapleshade! Stop! I just hired him!" Silverstream yowls, pulling the spitting she-cat off of Hawkfrost.

"Mapleshade, I'm sorry but I'm different now. I've changed. I'm an advocate for she-cat's rights, I volunteer at the soup kitchen on 56th, I'm involved with Walk to Stop Kitty Kidney Disease and Feed the Hungry Kittens in Alley's. I'm a charity worker now. My girlfriend, she's really into helping cats. I find that really hot…evil isn't sexy anymore Mapleshade. That ship has sailed." The brown tabby's ice blue eyes held something deep in them.

"That ship has sailed? What are you, a philosopher? What did she do to you?" Mapleshade snarls. Silverstream sighs.

"She made him realize the light in the world, not the dark. Something you should look into."

"Who is this she-cat?" Mapleshade asks, her disgust not even attempting to be hidden.

"Cinderpelt." Hawkfrost sighs. As if she had received some telepathic message through the universe, his phone buzzed. "Oh, sorry. Gotta take this, it's Cinders." He walks way, clicking his IPhone and putting it up to his ear. "Hey babe, how's Haiti?... Wow! Three hundred more dens built? Cinders, that's great! …Yeah, I know. I miss you too. …No, I miss you more. ….I swear I do! …..I love you. …..No, _I _love you more! ….I love you to the old territories and back. ….Yeah, well, I love you to _Starclan_ and back!"

"This is despicable!" Mapleshade spits. "Since when does he use the word Starclan?"

"It's something you should get into the habit of doing too." Silverstream admonishes.

"Yeah, well I can't believe he's with Cinderpelt! They're both a load of stinkin' badger-breath goody-two paws. I can't stand the lot of them!" The tortoiseshell yowls. Hawkfrost shoots Maplshade a glare.

"Who's that sweetums? Oh, no one," Mapleshade gasps. "Just one of my new employers. Mmmhmm, you know them, Mapleshade and Silverstream?"

"Hi Cinderpelt! Silverstream chirps. Mapleshade smacks her. "Ow!" The silver cat cuffs her over the ears in retaliation.

"Cinders says hi, Silverstream!" Hawfrost mews. "Oh, what's that love? You don't know who Mapleshade is/ Well, I guess it's better that you don't…" Mapleshade lets out a yowl of anger. She rips the phone from Hawkfrost's paws.

"You better know me, buster! I took out my revenge on the clans forever! I was a menace! I was a main character! I was Hawky's _girlfriend_!" Mapleshade snarls into the golden IPhone. Hawkfrost moans. Taking the phone back from Mapleshade, he comforts Cinderpelt.

"It's alright, Cindy-kins. Yes, we were over _long _ago. I'm a new cat now!...Yeah, love you too. Byeeee!" He purrs, making a smooch noise into the speaker.

"Blech!" Mapleshade meows, her tongue hanging out.

"How sweet! I wish Graystripe would do that for me!" Silverstream sighs.

"Well, as long as you're _here_, Hawkfrost, the least you could do is get me my tea, buy me a new throw-rug for my office and make sure it's black. Nothing but black." Mapleshade grumbles.

"Why not some yellow? Starclan knows you could use some cheery stuff in that hell-hole." Silverstream meows.

"Oh, for the love of slimy dead frogs and badger stench, I don't need cheerfulness!" She yowls. Hawkfrost sighs.

"You know, Mapleshade. I was hoping you had reformed. Maybe you could try some charity work with Cinders? I think that could help a lo-"

"NEVER! YOU AND YOUR…YOUR PRECIOUS THUNDERCLAN VOLUNTEER CAN STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!"Mapleshade shrieks, lashing out with a paw, giving Hawkfrost a fresh scar on his muzzle. Then, she whirls around, streaking away down the hall.

"Mapleshade! Oh, Mapleshade, come back!" Silverstream calls, running after her friend.

"Well, might as well make myself comfortable." Hawkfrost smiles, relaxing and lounging on the red waiting sofa.

Outside, a white she-cat looks through the window of WCC.

"Is this the place, honey? I don't see Mapleshade anywhere…" She mews, turning to the grumpy looking white and gray tom beside her. His eyes sparked.

"I still don't see why we need to be here anyway…we're perfectly fine."

"No, we aren't." She replies. "You're evil. Maybe, now that Mapleshade's been to rehab, she could give you some tips and pointers. Then maybe we could get back on track. Have the honeymoon in Tahiti that we never could!"

"We couldn't have that honeymoon because you were already three moons pregnant!" The tom meows. "It isn't my fault that we couldn't do it. It isn't because I'm evil that we couldn't fly there, it was your constant morning sickness!"

"Now, don't you go trying to pin everything on me again, Thistleclaw. You're ambition clouded your senses back then as well." The pretty white she-cat sighs.

"Well, Snowfur, not every cat can be as _perfect_ as you and you're selfless sister _Bluestar_." He mocks.

"This is exactly why we need to be here!" She meows exasperatedly. "Now ring the doorbell!"

"This is is gonna be a long day…" He grumbles, raising a paw to the glowing yellow button.

**Their session up soon! **


	9. Episode 6

**The episode you've all been waiting for...Thistleclaw and Snowfur! Whoohoo! And yeah...here you go...**

As the gray and white paw hit the yellow button, "We No Speak Americano" blasted through the building.

"What the h-?" Hawkfrost splutters over the roar of the music. Silverstream runs through the hallway.

"The couple is here!" She yowls. Once she opens the door, the song shuts off abruptly.

"How festive!" Snowfur giggles, clapping her paws together giddily.

"Eugh." Thistleclaw moans.

"Welcome to Warrior's Couple's Counseling! I'm Silverstream, and my colleague Mapleshade-" Silverstream purrs cheerfully, only to be cut off by Hawkfrost.

"Is busy hiding in her deep, dark, office of blackness. She may not be joining us today. Oh, hello Thistleclaw. Snowfur, is it? I've heard very little about you." The tabby glances at Thistleclaw.

"Thistleclaw, how do you know him?" Snowfur huffs.

"Old friends." Thistleclaw purrs, finally cheerful. "Worked in the Dark Forest to bring down Starclan together. Hawkfrost, how are you? Fairing poorly, I'd hope. Got any more murderous schemes up you fur, pal?" He chuckles evilly. Hawkfrost turns to Silverstream, exasperated.

"Honestly, why does everyone think I'm evil?" He meows.

"Umm…Maybe because you are?" Thistleclaw looks at the tom, confused. "I mean, you did try to kill Firestar, and you sided with Tigerstar and me, and you murdered Hollyleaf-"

"Those are all in the past! I'm a new cat now, a contributing member of society, a cat fully involved with multiple charities, a cat with a steady income, cozy apartment, solid relationship, and full scholarship to URC!" He meows indignantly.

"Look, honey! Hawkfrost has actually _done_ something with his death, not just mope around and plot revenge! Now Hawkfrost, where did you go to rehab?" Snowfur asks, impressed, blue eyes wide with interest.

"Oh, it's called-"

"I don't need therapy! I'm FINE!" Thistleclaw roars, standing on his hind legs and smashing his forepaws down hard on the granite counter top by the juice bar.

"No! That was expensive!" Silverstream wails, crouching down and trying to piece the slab back together.

"Sure you don't." Snowfur rolls her eyes at her mate.

"On that note, how about I lead you over to our counseling room…"Hawkfrost meows nervously, guiding a furious Thistleclaw and a ruffled Snowfur. Silverstream followed shortly afterwards.

"Seeing as Mapleshade is dealing with her own relationship issues at the moment, I will be here to solve _your_ problems today." The silver tabby smiles. "Please, have a seat. Hawkfrost, would you kindly run and go get our guests some juice?" The tabby tom nods.

"What would you like?" Hawkfrost asks, his eyes not leaving Snowfur's blue ones.

"Ooo! Ooo! Do you have pomegranate?" Snowfur squeals.

"Anything for you beautiful." The charming tom murmurs. Thistleclaw glares at Hawkfrost.

"Don't you _dare_ hit on my mate, traitor!" He growls. " And I want blueberry. Shaken, not stirred." Hawkfrost nods obliviously.

"One pomegranate coming right up." He meows airily, turning and walking away.

"And a blueberry!" Thistleclaw yowls after him.

"Sooo…what is the matter with your relationship?" Silverstream asks, pulling out Mapleshade's clipboard and, in an attempt to channel her inner Mapleshade, slid on the elderly she-cat's half-moon spectacles.

"Well, he's evil! He needs to reform! I love him, but he _always_ comes home will bloody paws and fresh scars and he tracks red ALL OVER the carpets! And all he talks about are his newest malicious intents and his sinful plots to take over and then destroy the Clans! I'm sick and tired of all the bloodshed!" Snowfur complains.

"It's a hobby! I don't see you abandoning your knitting needles because Whitestorm and I complain about the sweaters and the grandkits say the mittens are itchy!" Thistleclaw grumbles.

"You…you don't like my sweaters?" Snowfur whimpers, her lower lip trembling.

"I-I mean-I love your sweaters!" He splutters.

"And I made them all in your favorite color! A deep, dark crimson!" Snowfur wails. "Do you know how long it takes to knit those? Hours! Hours of my life spent, laboring over precious homemade sweaters for my two favorite men! And now to learn that all of my hard work has been *sniff* wasted?" She bawls, tears streaking down her glossy white fur.

"No! I love you, but…the sweaters…" Thistleclaw trails off, looking lost. Silverstream glares at him, and pads over to comfort the depressed she-cat.

"Aw, there there, sweetheart. I know how it feels to be underappreciated." The silver tabby sighs. Snowfur looks nup at Silverstream, wiping a fresh tear from her wide, sweet blue eyes.

"Y-you do?" She snivels.

"Of course! My mate, Graystripe, doesn't appreciate me very much. I always hand sew him these lovely hats, and he never wears them! And, he has a _new_ mate. Millie! She was a kittypet and kept her name! how ridiculous!" Silverstream meows. Her mini-rant elicits a sympathetic mew from Snowfur.

"Oh, how awful! And to think Graystripe's my step-grandson! My poor, poor dear, having to put up with his antics." She sighs, patting Silverstream gently on the head.

"Ahem. I thought this was _my_ couple's counseling session?" Thistleclaw growls. Snowfur glares at him.

"You said you didn't _need_ counseling." She says haughtily. Silverstream shakes her head.

"No, he's right. This is your session. Not mine." She pads back to Mapleshade's chair. "Now, Thistleclaw, why don't you want rehab?"

"Because it's useless! All it does is turn me into a useless, mindless do-good drone! Like Hawkfrost!" He hisses. "And who wants to be like Hawkfrost?"

"Hawkfrost is a sweet, handsome, reformed criminal! Who doesn't want to be like Hawkfrost? Cinderpelt is one lucky she-cat if Hawkfrost is her boyfriend." Snowfur meows, defending the ex-Dark Forest warrior.

"Well, if you like him so much why don't you go be _his_ mate instead!" Thistleclaw snaps, losing his cool. "If he's so _perfect_ so much _better _than _me_, go to Tahiti with him! Why not? Just leave your mate of A MILLION MOONS to go and be with some cat you just met this morning! Huh? HUH?!" The gray and white tom is now fluffed up three times his size and his long, ragged claws are unsheathed. Just then, Hawkfrost reenters the room, carrying two tall glasses of juice.

"One blueberry and one pomegranate?" He meows, setting them down gently on the new side table.

"Aw, thanks Hawkfrost! I'm so thirsty after arguing for an hour!" Snowfur purrs, reaching for her pomegranate juice.

"Anything for you, Princess." A smitten Hawkfrost coos. Snowfur bats her long eyelashes sweetly.

"That is IT! Hawkfrost, you're going down!" Thistleclaw screeches, hurling himself at his former partner in crime.

"Ahhh!" Hawkfrost yowls as the older tom lands on him. "I may be reformed, but I still know how to use my claws!" He growls, slashing at the ruffled looking Thistleclaw.

"You can kill my family, heck, you can even kill my _mate_, but you can _NEVER EVER FLIRT WITH HER_!" Thistleclaw roars.

"Boys, boys, don't fight over me!" A distraught Snowfur meows. "Please, no!" Silverstream shakes her head.

"I wish Mapleshade was here. She'd know how to handle this." As if she had heard her name be mentioned, Mapleshade arrives at the door.

"Did someone say 'Mapleshade'?" She meows, looking at Silverstream.

"Yes, Silverstream di-" Snowfur began cheerfully, but Mapleshade glares at her, stopping her mid-mew.

"That was rhetorical question!" The tortie snaps at the fluffy white queen.

"Oh." Snowfur says quietly, her eyes downcast.

"Mapleshade, what in Starclan's name are you _wearing_?!" Silverstream squawks, blue eyes bugged out.

"I wanted to prove to Hawky that evil _is_ still sexy." The tortoiseshell grins. "Whaddaya think?" Snowfur claps her paws, all earlier shame forgotten.

"It's even better than homemade sweaters!" She squeals.

"You look like a biker chic that rolled in road kill, got squeezed by a load of boa constrictors, fell in a pool of hot tar and then was run over by a cement truck. All while smelling like-" Silverstream sniffs and then wrinkles her nose, "dead, rotting roses."

"So… I look fabulous!" Mapleshade purrs. The tortie wore a long, billowing black gown that looked as if it had been attacked by tigers, a fox fur boa, black hat with a lacy veil and a dead vulture stuck on top, and loads of black make-up. A pair of dark, clunky combat boots and belt of ammo rounded out the look. Both Thistleclaw and Hawkfrost looked up once the stench reached then.

"Ugh…Mapleshade? When in Starclan's did you fall in a dumpster?" Hawkfrost asks.

"Whoa... Mapleshade? You look _hot_!" Thistleclaw purrs.

"Thistleclaw?" Mapleshade gasps. "Wow! It _is_ you! You're even eviler than I remember!"

"Yeah…so are you! Wanna go get some pizza?" He asks.

"Sure! The tortie meows. The two link paws and waltz out of the room. Silverstream just stands there, jaws agape with shock.

"What just happened?" The silver tabby mews, turning to the two remaining cats. Hawkfrost shrugs.

"I don't know, but hey, as long as Thislteclaw's gone, wanna go down to Daisy's Ye Olde Muffin Shoppe?" the brown tabby asks Snowfur, his ice-blue eyes sparkling.

"Why not?" The fluffy queen replies giddily. All of a sudden, Silverstream is left alone in the counseling room.

"I must be dreaming. That was _really weird_. Maybe I need another mental health day…." The silver she-cat collapses on the couple's couch and dials up her friend. "Hey girl! Listen, my job's been pretty crazy lately…I think I may need to take a day off. Again. Would you stand in for me…?"

**Who'll be our mystery host next time?**

**I've decided to give y'all a question of the day on all my stories, just to get y'all to keep that finger circulation going. Actually, I just love to here you're ideas! They give me so much inspiration :)So...**

**QOTD:**

**If you were Silverstream, who would you call in to deal with your crazy patient/friend/business partner? **


	10. Episode 7

**Hey, y'all! I realized I never did leave a hint last time about this episode's couple so, better late than never! It's a certain new-age pair...both with strange powers, one of past memories and one of unbeatable strength. I think it's obvious. And, y'all guessed correctly on today's SS replacement! Congrats!**

"Hello, Mapleshade!" A cheery voice calls. The tortie doesn't even turn around to greet the cat.

"You're not Silverstream, go away." Mapleshade growls.

"Well, Silverstream needed another mental health day. I hear you can be quite a handful! What was that you wore yesterday? Oh yeah. That. I'd rather not think about it…" The voice chuckles. Mapleshade hears a thud, which can only mean the cat dropped a bag on the floor.

"There are hooks on the left wall for a reason!" She snaps, still not turning around.

"Oh. Whoops!" The cat giggles. Mapleshade's ears twitch with annoyance. "Anyway, you can't be too much of a match for me, even if you _are _a load of trouble!" The cat boasts. "I mean, I _am _the leader of Riverclan. Not much can get past me, I can tell you!"

"Oh, shut up-" Mapleshade checks the note Silverstream left her. The silver tabby's swoopy cursive was too hard on the elderly cat's eyes, even with her spectacles. "Put a sock in it, Mustystove!" Mapleshade hisses with her best translation.

"What's a sock?" Mistystar asks, cocking her head to the side quizzically. "And it's _Mistystar_, by the way. Leader of Riverclan? Daughter of Bluestar? One of the most amazing, well-known cats ever?" Mapleshade whirls around and meows in a tone _dripping_ with sarcasm,

"Oh the all-mighty, all-powerful, all-knowing, noble leader of Riverclan doesn't know what a _sock_ is? Gasp!" The Dark Forest warrior's amber eyes glowed with malice.

"What _is_ your problem?" Mistystar snaps, glaring at Mapleshade.

"My _problem_? I have a _problem_, now?" Mapleshade laughs maniacally. "My problem is _you_ oh noble relative of Mr. High-and-Mighty Crookedstar _himself_! MY KIN SHOULD BE LEADING RIVERCLAN, NOT YOU SCUM! DIRT AND LIES RUN IN _YOUR_ VEINS, NOT BLOOD! YOU ALL ARE A BUNCH OF DIRTY, STINKIN', NO GOOD, SONS OF BI-" She yowls, only to be cut off with a smart-mouth question from the blue-gray she-cat in front of her.

"Well, what about Silverstream? She's his _daughter _not just his _niece_." The Riverclan leader smirks, clearly thinking she'd won.

"Silverstream's the exception that proves the rule." Mapleshade purrs sweetly, all previous evidence of rage gone, replaced by sickeningly false, sugary kindness. Mistystar's smirk falls right off her muzzle, and her eyes glaze over as she thinks of a witty comeback to throw at Mapleshade. Suddenly, the doorbell rings, and "We No Speak Americano" blasts through WCC co. once again. Mistystar's paws flying to her ears and she wails in pain,

"OWWWWW! OH, MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! AHHHHH!" Mapleshade just shakes her head and mutters,

"What a wuss. But, I really should change it…Sweater Weather is _so_ much better!" The tortie struts over to the door and opens it, the music shutting off abruptly. A large golden furred tom and smaller gray furred she-cat stand in the doorway, waiting politely for the ruffled tortoiseshell in front of them to escort them in. Instead, the grouchy she-cat looks them up and down and meows, "Who the heck are you? Wait, if you're the new maid, go straight back to last door on the right…it's a mess in there." The golden tom opens his mouth to speak, but Mapleshade narrows her eyes suspiciously, "On second thought, if you're another couple of girl scouts come beggin' for funds, I'm not here. Make up your minds." Mistystar runs up behind Mapleshade and shoves the older she-cat out of the way.

"No, _silly_! These are the two cats of our newest couple! Hello Lionblaze, Cinderheart. Right this way…" The daughter of Bluestar purrs, guiding the newest victims-I mean, couple into the building, making sure to step on Mapleshade's splayed out form, _hard_, on her way back in. The tortie just looks up, shooting Mistystar a sour glare. Pulling herself to her paws and rubbing her now throbbing head, Mapleshade meows,

"Yes, _ouch_, welcome. I'm Mapleshade, your counselor. This is, of course, the forever arrogant brat Mustystove, my anger management therapist Silverstream's replacement for today. And my assistant…where in the name of-"

"Starclan." Mistystar supplied easily, looking bored. "And my name's _Mistystar_."

"I was gonna _say_ Starclan." Mapleshade grumbles, "Where in the name of _Starclan_ is my assistant? Hawkfrost should've been here over an hour ago!" At the warrior's name, both Lionblaze and Cinderheart's fur bristles.

"You can't be serious! You hired that-that _criminal_ to be your assistant?!" Lionblaze meows in disbelief.

"Well, _she's _a convict as well." Mistystar points out casually.

"Too be fair, Silverstream hired him." Mapleshade mutters. "And I only have three-wait, no, four…ummm five? Six? Well, I only have a _few _life sentences and _besides_ I'm reformed!" She argues. Cinderheart looks at her angrily.

"I will not stand to set _a single paw_ in the same building as _him_." She growls, meaning Hawkfrost. "He killed my best friend!"

"Honestly, toots. You live in the Clans. What did you expect, to live happily ever after and lie in the sun together forever?" Mapleshade scoffs. This earns her a sharp look from the gray cat's mate. "Any who, shouldn't we get on with the session?" She meows quickly to change the subject. Both Lionblaze and Cinderheart nod stiffly. Mapleshade walks over to the large oaken door that leads into the counseling room. "Hey, Musty! Since my assistant has mysteriously disappeared, grab me some tea, will ya?" The ex-Dark Forest warrior shoots over her shoulder. Mistystar glares at Mapleshade as if she focused hard enough, she'd be able to bore a hole through the other she-cat's head with just her gaze. Unfortunately for her, Mapleshade and her two guests disappeared behind the door. Mistystar's about to turn to the stove when she hears the large door creak open. Mapleshade's tortie head pops out from around the corner. "And Mustystove? Make sure it's not Lipton!" The she-cat mews cheerfully, vanishing behind the door once again.

"And your problem is…?" Mapleshade asks, pushing her spectacles further up on her muzzle as she stares at the couple on the couch.

"Well, she won't be my mate just because I have a stupid prophecy!" Lionblaze meows.

"We have different destinies! It's Starclan telling us to give it up, already!" Cinderheart argues, even though her eyes are full of love.

"Whoa, whoa, hold up. I've read The Last Hope. Didn't you two get this whole thing sorted out after the battle?" Mapleshade meows, holding up a paw.

"That was only implied." Lionblaze says. "In real life, even _after _Cinderpelt's spirit left her, Cinderheart's made this whole fuss about the whole "Power of three-ish four" thing! It's all in the past now! Right?" He looks at Mapleshade pleadingly.

"Cinderheart? Your thoughts please?" Mapleshade turns to the fluffy gray she-cat. Lionblaze slumps back onto the couch with groan.

"Well, he's undefeatable! He should be busy protecting the whole Clan, not just little old me." She mews humbly.

"My job is _done_! The prophecy's fulfilled! We can be mates now, and build a life together!" Lionblaze tries to persuade his love.

"Well, unless one of you dies first…" Mapleshade meows, thinking aloud. Both cats glare at her. "Sorry! Sorry! Carry on…"

"Anyway," Cinderheart continues, "What if you have to save the Clans again in the future, if there's another legendary, series ending battle? What would you do then, if your loyalties were split between me and your kits or the fate of the entire lake? Huh?" Lionblaze shifts his paws uncomfortably under the heat of his "mate's" stare.

"Well, I, uh-" He's saved by the ringing of his cellphone. The golden tom pulls it out and answers. "Hullo?"

"Huh! Those little cell-thingies are everywhere now!" Mapleshade meows, looking at Lionblaze's shiny, red-cased Cat-oid. "I might actually have to get one. I mean, gotta stay hip." Cinderheart looks at the old she-cat strangely.

"You mean…you don't have a _cell phone_?" The gray she-cat wonders. Suddenly, Mistystar bursts into the room.

"Even _I_ have a cell phone, Mapleshade! Get with the times!" She laughs, setting a mug of steaming tea down in front of the tortie.

"What took you so long, Mustystove?" Mapleshade gripes, lifting the hot cup.

"Well it's not like I magically know the way around your little kitchen, now, right?" The blue-gray cat rolls her eyes irritably. Mapleshade ignores her Silverstream-replacement and turns to where Lionblaze sits, still on his phone.

"Yahuh. Alright. Yep, she's right here, hold on." The golden furred warrior passes his cell to Cinderheart, saying, "It's for you."

"Hello? …Oh, hi, Jayfeather! Got any news from my yearly physical? Or am I healthy as a kittypet?" The she-cat asks cheerfully. Her face loses all of it's cheer once she hears his response. "Oh, no. Seriously? This isn't a joke, right? Oh, no! No!" She yowls, quickly hanging up.

"What is it?" Lionblaze asks worriedly. "Do you have cancer? Kidney disease? Leukemia? Some other fatal illness?" Cinderheart shakes her head.

"Lionblaze…I'm expecting kits." She mews quietly. The tom's jaw drops with shock.

"Seriously?"

"I know! Isn't it ter-" She begins, looking distressed, but he cuts her off abruptly.

"-rific!" He cheers, bouncing up and down. "I can't wait! We're _definitely _mates now, Cinderheart!" He purrs. Then, a thought dawns on him. "I've got to tell Leafpool! She'll be a grandmother! Oh, and we must get you back home quickly! You need to rest! I can't wait to meet our kits!" He squeals, pulling Cinderheart to her paws and practically dragging her out the door. "Thanks Mapleshade!" He yowls over her shoulder. Cinderheart just shoots Mapleshade a "Oh, whatever. Now I guess I'll just have to deal with it." look. Mapleshade just grins and waves good-bye with a paw while taking a dainty sip of her tea. She spits it out almost as soon as it hits her tongue.

"AGH! IT'S LIPTON! DIE, DIE, DIE!" She shrieks, hurling the cup not at the floor, but at Mistystar instead.

"Ow, my face! My beautiful, elegant, regal, leader-ish amazing face! Now I'll be disfigured like my uncle! NOOOOOOO!" The she-cat wails. Mapleshade swivels toward the Riverclan leader.

"YOU ARE A RELATIVE OF CROOKEDSTAR WHO IS NOT SILVERSTREAM! AND YOU GAVE ME LIPTON! YOU. MUST. DIE!" She screams furiously, launching herself at Mistystar. "DEATH TO MUSTYSTOVE! DEATH TO LIPTON! DEATH TO MUSTYSTOVE! DEATH TO LIPTON!" Mapleshade screeches, biting and clawing at Mistystar.

"No! Don't hurt me! You can't hurt me, you filthy Dark Forest warrior! I am leader of Riverclan, daughter of Bluestar, niece of Crookedstar, and therefore superior! You aren't allowed to hurt-OW! NO! Spare my face! Spare my money-maker! AAAAAHHHHHH!" The blue-gray she cat yowls. In the midst of all this commotion, Hawkfrost bursts into the counseling room.

"Sorry I'm late, Mapleshade I brought you some tea to make up for i-HOLY STARCLAN!" The brown and white warrior gasps, looking at the knot of the two writhing, wrestling she-cats screaming dirty curse words at each other while separately wailing about death, Lipton, and dead relatives. "In the name of Thunderstar, what in the territories is going on here? I leave to do _one_ _appearance_ on The Yellowfang and Nightcloud Show and I come back to _this_?!" He meows frustratedly. Noticing that the two cats weren't getting off each other any time soon, he leaps into the fray, intent on keeping both his former leader, and his employer/ex-girlfriend, intact.

**Now that, my friends, is a difficult task. Our next couple is definitely not new, in fact, they're probably one of the oldest couples ever! Older, even, than Raggedstar and Yellowfang...can you guess who? Here's a clue...their names are opposites! And that's you QOTD! Update soon, love y'all bunches, and happy Valentine's Day!**


	11. Episode 8 P1: The Aftermath

**OMFG I have been _sick_ and _skiing_ and I haven't updated in like AN ENTIRE WEEK! agh. I'm so sorry! This episode is loooooong and needs two parts! Enjoy! Messages are in bold!**

"Mapleshade! I'm back! And I brought your favorite…" A pretty silver tabby mews, walking through the glass entrance to WCC co. "Mapleshade? Helloooo? Maaapleshaaade! Where aaarreee yoooou?" She calls. The only sound is her own voice being echoed back through the empty halls. "I came all this way, _with_ a fresh basket of beignets, extra chocolate drizzle, and she's hiding from me!" Silverstream grumbles. Her clear blue eyes search the lobby for any sign of the matted, tortie and white pelt of her patient turned business partner. There was none. Not even a single tuft. "Are you under here….? Nope. There? No. Over here? Again, no. Would she really go so far as to….nah, she wouldn't. Well, then again, she _is_ Mapleshade after all. Darn it! Where in Starclan's name is that cat!?" She hisses, pushing her way past the juice machine. Her paw finds a long, slender object. "My phone! That's where it went!" Picking up the purple-cased IPhone, Silverstream types in her password, iluvgrayboy01, and gasps. "Eight new messages! And six texts! _Eleven emails_! Who knew I'm so popular?" She giggles to herself. With a dainty silver furred toe, she presses voicemail. "Wow! Why in all of Starclan's domain would Mistystar call me five times? And Mapleshade twice! And…whoa, my _father_, too? This is getting strange…" So she clicks play.

"**Hey Silver! It's me, Mistystar. Just calling to say I found the place okay, a couple wrong turns here and there, but hey, they led me to this great new muffin place! Daisy's Ye Olde Muffin Shoppe! We should totally go sometime. *****Chomp, smack, chew* Their chicken and waffle one is to **_**die**_** for! TTYL!"** *Beep*

"Okay…that wasn't bad. But four more?" Silverstream mews worriedly. The next message begins to play.

"**Hey Silver, it's Mistystar again. Mapleshade is a real grouch! But, of course, I'm the leader of Riverclan! I've put up with tyrants like Hawkfrost! Oh yeah, didn't you say he was your new assistant? He hasn't shown up yet. You never can count on Dark Forest warriors…Well, bye!" ***Beep*

"**Silverstream, I have absolutely no idea how you put up with this cat! I mean, she calls me Mustystove. **_**Mustystove**_**! And by the way, where do you keep your tea?"** *Beep*

"**Ahhhh! She's attacking me! Heeeeelp! OW! Don't claw my face! AHHHH! OW OW OW OW! Not my tail!"**

"**DIEEEEE! DIE USELESS SCUM KIN OF CROOKEDSTAR! DIE, BRINGER OF LIPTON! DIEEEEEEEE!"**

"**No! AHHH! Don't hurt me! Ow! You hurt me! WAAAHHHH, Silverstream, save me! I'm BLEEEDINGGG! I'm BLEEEEDINNNGG!"** *Beep*

"Great, holy, mother of Thunder, how did this ha-" Silverstream begins, shocked, when some cat interrupts her.

"Did you say mother of Thunder? That's me!" Silverstream whips around to find herself staring into the brilliant green eyes of a pretty silver tabby. Beside her stood a haughty-looking pale gray tom.

"And I'm his father, don't you forget it!" The toms meows, his bright blue eyes hard and cold, not at all fatherly.

"Father?" The she-cat snorts. "Don't make me laugh! You weren't his father any more than a squirrel was his mother! You were only his father by blood. His true father is Graywing!"

"_Graywing?_ Like that little wuss could ever be an effective father!" The tom rolls his eyes.

"He's your _brother_! Don't you _dare_ talk trash about kin! And he was the one who _cared_ for Thunder! He _loved_ Thunder! He _nurtured_ Thunder! Heck, he even _named _Thunder! I can't believe I ever loved you, when you go and reject your own son!" The silver cat spits. The large tom's fur bristles and he takes a menacing step in the she-cat's direction.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Save it for the session!" Silverstream meows, pushing herself between the two cats. "Who are you, anyway?"

"I am Clear sky, first leader of Skyclan, father to Thunder, the first leader of Thunderclan. And this is my mate-"

"Gonna be _former _mate, soon, buster." The silver tabby hisses, green eyes glowing.

"-Storm." He finishes, with a superior look towards his "mate".

"Good. Now, how did you get in here?!" Silverstream asks, frustrated that the two cats had just barged right into WCC, even more so because she hadn't noticed their arrival.

"Well, with my excellent skills, I-" Clear Sky begins.

"You left the door open." Storm mews flatly. Clear Sky glares at her. Silverstream just rolls her eyes.

"Okay. You two just sit over there…make yourself comfortable…I just need to keep checking my messages." The Riverclan queen pushes the two ancients over to a red couch in the lobby. Once the guests were settled in comfortably, Silverstream resumes checking her voicemail.

"**Ow! Ow! Hawkforst save me!"** Mistystar's voice blares through Silverstream's phone's speakers.

"**But Mapleshade pays me!" **

"**No, Silverstream pays you! And I'm her best friend! Save me! OW! She has my tail! She has my tail! THE PAIN! THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE PAIN!"**

"**MWAHAHAHA! MY KIN SHOULD BE LEADING RIVERCLAN! NOT YOU! YOU WILL DIE A LONG, SLOW DEATH! MAPLESHADE WILL SPILL YOUR BLOOD! MAPLESHADE WILL CONQUER! MWAHAHA-"**

"**Look out! Look out! OW! You're going to crush my pho-"**

***SAHJHGFNJIUCRSSSHHHAAAKKKKNMMTUJNLM!* **(Static)

*Beep*

"Oh, great Starclan…" Silverstream mutters. Her phone continues to play messages.

"**Streamy! It's Mapleshade! Tell these friggin' doctors I don't need no surgery! Hey, buddy! Watch where you stick that thing or I'll-See what I mean!? OW! HEY! Streamy, get down here right now or I'm gonna- DON'T YOU DARE POKE ME WITH THAT !%^& STICK! OW! OKAY, NOW THAT'S THE LAST STR-EEEYOOUUCH! ALRIGHT, YOU'RE ASKIN' FOR IT, YOU #!$ #* PIECE OF ! #ING FOXDUNG! OW! NO! NOT THE NEEDLES! ANYTHING BUT THE NEEDLES! STREAMY HEEEEEELLPP!" ***Beep*

"**Streamy, you've gotta get down here! There was this huge thingy! The doctors were like 'Oh, it's giggle gas!' I had it, and now there are weird things happening around here! And I-HOLY #$% IT'S A #$%&ING HUGE UNICORN! IT'S COMING THROUGH THE WINDOW! AHHHH! IT'S COMING TO GET MEEEE! OHMITIGERSTARS! THE FAIRIES ARE COMING! THE FAIRIES ARE COMING! HEEEEEELP! AH! MY DOCTOR GREW A PIG HEAD! AND HE'S GOT A NEEDLE! ANOTHER NEEDLE! THERE ARE RAINBOWS! THE NEEDLE, OH, THE NEEDLE! OWWWwwww…heehee sleeeeeeeeepy time. Nighty nighty Streamy…oooh! A…a…a princess…* snore * "** *Beep*

"Oh, Mapleshade. Why. Just why…" Silverstream shakes her head wearily. The next message begins.

"**Hello, sweety. It's big ol' Papa-Cat."** Crookedstar's mew rings out into the lobby from the phone speakers. Storm snickers, and even Clear Sky tries to stifle a laugh. Silverstream ducks her head in embarrassment.

"**How's your me-time? I heard of this great new spa downtown from Graypool…it's called Sweetbriar's Salon. You should try it dear, maybe have a little girl's day out with Feathertail and Willowbreeze. Anyway, I'm just calling to tell you I'm sitting in the hospital on 5****th**** with Hawkfrost. They had to patch up a nasty gash on his shoulder, but otherwise he's all right. Mapleshade was just given some laughing gas, and let's just say they needed a…stronger medication to knock her out. She's in the ER right now getting her leg repaired. Mistystar, well, they say she'll recover but she's had about five operations so far. It isn't pretty. Will let you know if there's any changes. And, just between you and me, there's been talk about getting Mapleshade back to rehab, and I heartily agree with it. Even though, I do think the best way of controlling this…this **_**creature**_** is to have her put down. Love you! Hugs from all of us here at the hospital! Oh, and Graystripe wanted to speak with you abo-" ***Beep*

"Oh. My. Starclan." Silverstream breathes. Storm looks at her curiously from over the arm of the sofa.

"What was all that about?" The older silver tabby asks.

"Umm…honestly, I can't even explain it." Silverstream replies. She hurriedly scrolls through her texts. Luckily, there was nothing important. Just some things from Graystripe about visiting Stormfur and Brook and the grandkits over the weekend…_Great Starclan, I'm a Grandmother! I don't feel that old!_ Silverstream thinks. _You know, I'll just check my emails later. Save that stress for tonight. But oh well, looks like I'm on my own today._ Just as Silverstream processes that final thought, a bedraggled looking Hawkfrost burst through the entrance to WCC co., rolling a semi-conscious Mapleshade in front of him in a wheelchair.

"Yay! I'm not alone! Hello, Hawkfrost!" She purrs.

"Hey." He grunts, shoving Mapleshade through the door. "You missed all the action yesterday."

"Oh, no. Trust me, I've been through it too." She meows, holding up he phone. He nods.

"Ah, the messages. Heh, heh…yeah." He lowers his icy blue eyes, unable to meet Silverstream's gaze.

"Speaking of which…Mistystar said you were late. Why?" Silverstream looks at Hawkfrost meaningfully. "You knew it wasn't safe to leave those two alone together."

"Honestly, I thought it would be quick! I leave to do one appearance, _one_, on the Yellowfang and Nightcloud show, and it took _far_ longer than I expected! I even had to miss my two o'clock face time with Cinders! After the show, I went out a little with Nightcloud, you know, because she's a bit of a fixer-upper, like a charity case, and you know I just _love_ charity work! I thought I could help her! And, she _is_ sorta pretty, just a little too…clingy. So then I get here, and I see Mistystar and Mapleshade going at it on the floor! I thought the show would be quick, but, apparently, In the time it takes to talk to a few fans and go on a quick date, Mapleshade is able to shred a cat _and_ solve a couple's problems! They were already gone by the time I got there!" He was panting by the time he finished his explanation. Silverstream just shakes her head.

"You of all cats should know what Mapleshade's capable of." Silverstream sighs. "But it's alright. Now, we have a couple to counsel!" She turns, looking at Mapleshade. "And she's in no shape to do it. Come on, let's do this thing."

**Poor wittle Mapleshade, stuck in a wheelchair. She and Mistystar were a _terrible_ combination! Heh. Heh. Whoops. Anywhoo, our next episode shall be a continuation! **

**QOTD: If you were Storm, who would you choose, Gray Wing, gray tom with amber eyes who raised your son and loved you and will always love you but lived in a place you didn't like, or Clear Sky, who instantly fell in love with you at first sight, would go to any lengths to protect you, but rejected your son, accepted him, and then kicked him out again? Hmm?**

**-Bright **


	12. Episode 8 P2: The Bet

**Part two is here! Yayyy!**

Hawkfrost nods, and walks through the large oaken doors of the counseling room, Silverstream, Storm, and Clear Sky following close behind. The doors slam shut.

"So, Storm, tell me, why isn't your relationship working out?" Hawkfrost asks, ice-blue eyes set upon the pretty silver tabby.

"Shut up, Hawkfrost. I'm supposed to be asking the questions here!" Silverstream grumbles. "Why don't you go get them some juice? And check on Mapleshade. Her pee bag needs changing, I can smell it from here." Hawkfrost wrinkles his nose and stalks out of the room in a huff.

"Ahem," Storm clears her throat as Silverstream plops herself down in Mapleshade's big, cushy purple chair.

"Oh, right. You need to answer. Pray continue." Silverstream mews, gesturing Storm on with a dainty wave of her paw.

"Well, Clear Sky and I have a…complicated relationship. I mean, I love him, but he's _so_ overprotective, and a little bit of a jerk; ok, a lot a bit of a jerk; and he doesn't care about our only living son! And Thunder's the light of my life!" Storm meows, pulling a Vera Bradley wallet out of her purse. "Just look at these pictures! Isn't Thunder _adorable_? This is when he opened his eyes, his first bite of fresh-kill, him playing with his foster siblings, his first birthday, he got frosting _all over_ his face, Starclan bless him, and here's his first hunting lesson, and-"

"Ugh." Clear Sky grunts. "That's kit stuff. Thunder should learn how to be a _real_ tom. Learn how to fight properly. Patrol borders. Order cats around. He's got to be _commanding_ not _compassionate_. Compassion is for wussies." Storm glares at him.

"You were so sweet when we first met. Where did that Clear Sky go? The cat I loved!" Storm sighs.

"Clear Sky, what is your take on this relationship?" Silverstream asks, turning her attention to the pale gray tom.

"Well, as leader of my group, I needed to protect everycat! I only kicked Jagged Peak out because he was a liability! And I already had one mate die when expecting my kits, and I loved Storm too much to see that happen! That's why I had to keep her safe! And then, she died anyway. Thunder was just a reminder of my loss. My failure. I couldn't have him around me. He's just be another mouth to feed, another burdensome reminder of how everycat I love dies." Clear Sky meows. Storm looks at him, green eyes hard.

"Gray Wing isn't dead! Jagged Peak isn't dead! Thunder isn't dead! How about that, Mr. Full of Self Pity?" She hisses.

"Fluttering Bird died! You died! Bright Stream died! And for all I know, Quiet Rain is dead too!" He wails. "Can't you see? I have to keep everycat safe, otherwise I'll just fail again." Strom rolls her eyes while Silverstream nods.

"I wish Graystripe would be that protective of _me_! It's like he's completely forgotten about me!" Silverstream mews thoughtfully.

"Well, overprotectiveness is basically why I died! If he hadn't badgered me so much, I wouldn't have left! And I wouldn't have died! I should've chosen Gray Wing when I had the chance! At least he _cared _about me _and_ Thunder!" Storm argues.

"I took Thunder back!" Clear Sky growls. "I was a good father!"

"Good father my butt!" Storm hisses, "You kicked him out because he didn't agree with you!"

"I didn't kick him out! He left by himself!" Clear Sky rumbles, standing up.

"And you did nothing to stop him!" Strom yowls. "You let him leave, you let your only son run away! You never cared! I hate you!" The silver tabby launched herself at the light gray tom. She scored her claws down his ears, and he returned the favor, slashing her shoulder and rolling onto the floor.

"Stop, please stop!" Silverstream wails, looking at the two cats, distressed. "Hawkfrost! Hawkfrost! Help!" She calls.

"A little busy!" Her assistant's muffled meow sounds from behind the oak doors.

"Looks like I'm gonna have to solve this one myself." Silverstream grumbles, throwing herself into the fray.

"Stop it! Ahhhh!" Storm cries.

"You insult my pride! You must die!" Clear Sky growls, tail lashing.

"BREAK IT UP!" Silverstream shrieks. Both tussling cats freeze, staring at the gentle queen in awe. "YOU TWO ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY! JUST DIVORCE ALREADY! THERE'S NO HELP THAT COULD _EVER_ BRING YOU BACK TOGETHER! EVER!" She screams, blue eyes ablaze.

"Is that a challenge?" Clear Sky asks, voice low, deep blue eyes lit with competitive fire.

"You're on." Storm says, her gaze, too, alight with spirited drive. "I bet we'll last longer than you and your little tom. Doesn't he ignore you?" Silverstream's fur bristles even further at the insult.

"Graystripe and I are a _way_ better couple than you two! You've got a deal!"

"Loser has to change Mapleshade's pee-bag?" Clear Sky suggests. All three cats gag.

"Now _that's_ inspiration." Silverstream agrees. "But, if I win, I never want to see you two in here ever again. I've got a migraine to last a moon! Leave!" Clear Sky and Storm nod and, tails entwined, exit the room.

"You better not growl at me the next time I watch TV too loud! It could cost us the bet!" Clear Sky says to Storm. The silver tabby she-cat shakes her head.

"That's only if you agree to visit the grandkits with me! _And _we have to go to Gray Wing's for dinner tonight with _no complaints_."

"Fine, fine. I don't wanna change pee bags!"

Silverstream laughs, and feels some of the tension in her shoulders ease. "What a handful! I hope they pay us well for this…I need to buy more aspirin! I just hope nothing else happens today…" As she begins to neaten up the counseling room, Hawkfrost bursts in through the door.

"Where were you?" Silverstream sighs. "Those two started fighting halfway through the session! And I had no backup!" Hawkfrost looks at his paws sheepishly. "Wait…" Silverstream peers at him, squinting. "Why's your fur red? And orange? And yellow? And green? Going to clown-school, now?"

"No, I-um-I…well, I think we might need a new juicer…" The brown and white tabby mumbles.

"What?!" Silverstream squawks, blue eyes wide.

"And a new broom, maybe a new sink…and uh, don't _you _think the kitchen needed a makeover, anyway?" He mews hopefully. Silverstream fluffs up twice her size.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY BUILDING?!" She screams, claws unsheathed, eyes wild.

"Oh, look at the time! I've gotta face-time Cinders!" Hawkfrost squeaks, running away as fast as his little paws could take him, a psychotic Silverstream chasing him.

"Mapleshade! Heeeeeelp!"

"DIEEEEEEE! YOU WILL PAY!"

Mapleshade opens her eyes groggily at the mention of her name. "Wha-?" Then, she squirms uncomfortably, watching as her therapist and assistant race by, screeching.

"Huh? Ughhhh…hey, somebody? Anybody? Change my pee bag! It's startin' to smell nasty over here! Oh, for the love of the Dark Forest, come baaaaaaaaack!"

**I guess that wasn't the funniest thing I've ever written. But...you guys might like it! Idk. Anyway, lets get up to 75 reviews guys! Whoohoo! Our next couple is a fabulous pair...parents to one of our special little main characters here at WCC. A dark warrior is one of them...oops!** **Guess who!**

**QOTD: If Hawkfrost broke _your_ juicer, what would you do?**


	13. Episode 10

**Wow! I asked for 75, and got 77! You bunch of overachievers! I love it! Here's an extra long episode for my favorite fans! And yes Petalsplash, Crowfeather and his many loves will be coming soon, I promise. :)**

"Guess what, Streamy?" Mapleshade's crackling voice sounds over Silverstream's IPhone speaker.

"What?" She replies, steering the shopping cart around a giant aisle full of mattresses in Target. "Ugh I can't find a stupid juicer anywhere!"

"Huh? Why do we need another juicer? I bought the black one, like, three weeks ago!" Mapleshade mews.

"Umm…I'll tell you later. What were you going to tell me?" Silverstream meows quickly, trying not to ruin her business partner's good mood.

"Well, Doc says I can get my casts off today! And I can come back to work!" Mapleshade purrs.

"For the last time, don't call me Doc! My name is Littlecloud!" A muffled voice groans in the background.

"Whatever, Doc." Mapleshade says, the smirk clear in her voice.

"Mapleshade, be nice." Silverstream admonishes.

"I'm just so sick of everything! All the cats feeding me, not being able to wiggle my toes, or flex my claws, or even visit the dirtplace without an assistant! For the love of the Dark Forest-"

"Starclan, dear."

"I finally won't have doctors prodding their cursed needles up my-"

"I really don't think I need to know that!" Silverstream interrupts loudly, earning harsh glares from a family of five nearby. "Oop! Sorry!" She whispers, smiling, but instead looking rather constipated.

"Mommy, look! That funny cat needs to poo!" The little black-furred kitten squeaks from his place in the booster seat.

"Hush now, Timmy! That's not polite!" The brown tabby she-cat chides. The three older kits, one brown and white and two ginger, snigger at their brother's remark. Silverstream flushes and looks away.

"What was that?" Mapleshade meows curiously.

"Oh, just some kit." Silverstream sighs. She glances back over to the family, and sees a bright ginger tom with leaf-green eyes carrying a large beanbag and heaving it into the shopping cart. Silverstream gasps. "Mapleshade? I'll call you right back!" Hanging up, the silver tabby runs up to the tom, blue eyes wide. "Firestar? Is that you?" She wonders. He looks at her, confused.

"Firestar? Who's Firestar?" He asks. The little black kit begins hopping up and down.

"Daddy, why are you talking to the funny-looking poo poo cat?" He giggles, reaching out a paw and yanking on Silverstream's tail.

"Timmy! Where are your manners?!" The kit's mother scolds, though she, too, is suppressing laughter.

"So…so you _aren't_ Firestar? But you look like his twin!" Silverstream mews, ignoring Timmy.

"Look lady, I'm sorry, but you've got the wrong cat!" The ginger tom meows, backing away slowly. Silverstream thinks fast.

"Are you a kittypet? Did you know a cat by the name of Rusty? Ginger tom, green eyes?" She presses. The Firestar clone thinks for a moment, and shakes his head.

"Nope. Can we go now?" He answers, proceeding to push past Silverstream. But the brown tabby stops him.

"Rusty! You know him? You know my son?" She squeals, bouncing towards Silverstream. "Is he alright? Why does he have a funny new name? How do you know him?" The she-cat chatters, questions flying out of her mouth like frightened sparrows.

"Yes! Oh, wait, where are my manners? My name is Silverstream." Silverstream bumbles in her excitement. "I take it you're Firesta-I mean, Rusty's mom?"

"Oh, yes!" The she-cat purrs, blue eyes bright. "I'm Nutmeg! Rusty was in our first litter, don't you remember, dear?" She turns to the ginger tom.

"Eh…" The tom scratches his head, green eyes thoughtful, "Nope. Don't remember." He shrugs.

"Jake! He was that feisty little rascal! The only one of our kits that looked just like you!" Nutmeg huffs.

"Oh…." Jake mews. "That one."

"Honestly, you'd think a father would remember his own children!" Nutmeg grouches.

"To be fair, it's a bit difficult when you have six litters of them!" Jake snaps. Nutmeg whimpers, blue eyes big and watery. Jake softens. "Sorry, love. I'm sorry! I love all of them! There's Rusty, and Bubbles, and Snowflake, and Honey, and Fluffy, and Luna, and Princess, and Joe, and Rosie, and Luke, and Joe 2-"

"You must've been at a loss for names." Silverstream chuckles. "Joe 2!" Nutmeg glares at her.

"My little Joe 2 is a lovely boy! He's given me five grandkits!" She pouts.

"No, dear." Jake murmurs. "That's Joe 3."

"Oh." Nutmeg mews. "Then what's Joe 2 up to?"

"He's ermmm, actually, I have no idea." Jake meows, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Is he the one that moved to Philly? No, that was Hubert…"

"Wasn't Joe 2 the one who got full scholarship to UST, Dad?" The brown and white she-kit meows, tugging at her father's fur.

"Oh, yes! That's right! The University of South Twolegplace kit! Good job, Tammy!" Jake purrs. "It's hard to keep track of nineteen children!" The ginger tom laughs. Silverstream looks at him in awe.

"Nineteen? I didn't even survive kitting two!" The silver tabby gasps. Nutmeg looks at Silverstream, upset.

"Oh you poor dear!" The brown and white tabby mews, pressing up against Silverstream and licking the she-cat's ears. Jake just keeps talking.

"Oh, yes indeed! Nineteen kits! I have nineteen kits! Isn't that crazy?" He purrs, nuzzling his littlest, Timmy.

"Yes. It _is_ crazy." A gravelly, sultry voice meows from the shadows. "Considering you actually have twenty-two!" A gray she-cat stepped out from behind a shelf of Hawaiian-patterned napkins and party plates. Her amber eyes glow, and she continues to walk towards Jake, long stately legs striding confidently.

"What? Quince? What in the yard's name are you talking about?" Jake asks, looking rather surprised to see the she-cat here.

"You know her?" Nutmeg growls, glaring at her mate. "Is there something you've forgotten to tell me, _honey_?"

"Honey? Jake, you can't be serious! _She's_ your new mate? I thought you loved me!" Quince hisses. The ginger tom shifts uncomfortably.

"I-erm-well, I-" He stammers awkwardly.

"You said you loved me! I had your kits! But you were gone!" Quince wails. "And now I see you with another she-cat? With _other kits_?!"

"These are obviously the only cats he cares about!" Nutmeg snarls. "Seeing as he left you for me!"

"Wait, Quince, we had _kits_?!" Jake gasps.

"Three!" Quince purrs, pressing her face against his.

"Don't you _dare _touch my mate!" Nutmeg yowls, springing at the gray she-cat. Both kittypets tumble over each other, battling clumsily, but inflicting damage nonetheless. Jake looks from one mate to the other, torn.

"Looks like you've got your paws full, here." Silverstream meows, eyeing the fight. Jake nods, stunned to silence. "Well, me and my…erm…friend? Nah, more like my acquaintance, own a couples counseling company for warriors. If your son's truly Firestar-or Rusty, as you call him-then you're eligible. Here's my card." The silver tabby fumbles around in her purse, finally whipping out a creamy white business card with WCC co. embossed on the front, along with Silverstream's cell number.

"Thanks." Jake mews, finding his voice. "I'm gonna be spending a while trying to pry them apart. I'll see when we can come in."

"Sure, just call me, or email my assistant at thehawkman to set up an appointment." Silverstream purrs. Then, both she and Jake remember the four kits standing by the shopping cart behind them.

"Daddy! Mommy's fighting that other cat! They aren't good at it." Timmy squeaks, blue eyes riveted on the scuffle.

"Daa_aad_! Mom's busy fighting, and I'm hungry!" A ginger and white tom meows.

"And you've gotta pick up Domino from soccer practice!" A ginger she-cat adds.

"And Mitzi from dance!" Her sister contributes. Jake looks from kit to kit and his eyes fill with worry.

"Oh, good yard this is bad!" He groans.

"I could take these four, if you want! I love kits! And so does-wait…eh, Mapleshade can deal. I've got a spare straitjacket in the closet!" Silverstream says, looking at the stressed father.

"Okay…" He mews, cautiously. "I guess it would be all right…"

"What's the worst that could happen?" Silverstream laughs. Then, realizing what she said, she frowns. "Actually, with Mapleshade…oh, it'll be fine. C'mon kits! Your dad's got to play referee and we've gotta go find a juicer!" Silverstream meows, pushing the cart and padding away. The three kits follow, while Timmy squeals happily.

"Yayyy! Poo poo cat's taking us on an adventure!"

* * *

"Mapleshade! We're back!" Silverstream calls, bursting through the doors to WCC. The grumpy tortie and white face pokes around the wall.

"Finally! And you never called me back! Did you get the juicer? And I-wait, we?" She stops, looking confused.

"Yep! Meet Firestar's younger siblings! This is Timmy, and-wait, what _are_ your names?" Silverstream asks. The brown and white she-cat rolls her eyes.

"I'm Jasmine." She mews.

"And I'm Bartleby!" The ginger and white tom says.

"My name's Tammy! And I'm the best!" The ginger she-cat purrs. Mapleshade peers at the kits.

"Firestar's kin, eh? Stinkin' kittypets…" She grumbles. "Why are they here, anyway?"

"I offered to kit-sit!" Silverstream huffs indignantly. "And they're so _cute_! Where's Hawkfrost?"

"I told him to go scrub the toilets. He was getting on my nerves again." Mapleshade groans. Silverstream rolls her eyes.

"What'd he do this time?" She sighs.

"Well, he was trying to get me to talk to Cinderpelt about 'the joys of community service'! It's not like I want to chat with his goody-two-paws girlfriend! I've got Thistleclaw now!" Mapleshade meows.

"Wait, so you two are actually, like, official?" Silverstream gasps.

"Of course! He's so deliciously evil!" Mapleshade purrs.

"But what about Snowfur?" Silverstream mews, distressed. "That she-cat was so sweet!"

"Well, apparently she met a nice, retired old tom who loves watching golf and wearing homemade sweaters." Mapleshade shrugs. "Not accounting for some cat's tastes."

"I know right! She should've found a biker!" Tammy meows from behind Silverstream. Mapleshade looks at her approvingly.

"You know, kit, you might not be so bad." The tortie muses. Tammy puffs up with pride. "Anyway, Streamy, who's our couple for today?" Silverstream commences rummaging through her purse to find the appointment schedule Hawkfrost had emailed her the day before.

"Aha! Here it is!" She purrs triumphantly, revealing a wrinkled piece of paper. "And our couple today is….Tigerstar and Sasha!"

"Who's Tigerstar?" Bartleby mews, peering over Silverstream's shoulder to get a look at the paper.

"Tigerstar!" Mapleshade exclaims. "He's _so_ sexy!"

"Mapleshade! You're reformed!" Silverstream scolds. "Evil isn't sexy anymore."

"What's sexy mean?" Jasmine squeaks.

"Heehee! Sexy a funny word!" Timmy giggles. Silverstream sighs heavily and Mapleshade rolls her eyes and shrugs.

"They're kits, Streamy. It's not like they're smart." She meows. Silverstream wipes her eyes with her paws.

"I wouldn't know1 I never-n-never g-got to raise mine!" She sniffs. Mapleshade walks over to her and puts a comforting paw on Silverstream's shoulder.

"Neither did I. They all died. But hey, then we wouldn't be here!" Mapleshade smiles. In that very second, the doorbell rings.

"I'll get it!" Tammy squeals, running to the large glass entrance. The ginger she-cat dashes to the door, and flings it open. "Whoa." She whispers, staring up at the powerful dark tabby tom and his glowing amber eyes. Beside him stood a far less menacing figure, a dainty she-cat with tawny fur and brown ears and tail. Her bright blue eyes gazed at the she-cat curiously.

"Well, you're certainly not Mapleshade." The larger she-cat purrs softly. "What's your name?"

"I'm Tammy!" Tammy mews pleasantly.

"Want to overthrow Starclan with me? I can make you the most powerful cat in all the forest!" Tigerstar rumbles, looking down at the apprentice sized ginger she-cat.

"Honey! What have I told you! No more talk of that! Starclan doesn't even _exist_!" Sasha meows angrily.

"They do! I'm not crazy!" Tigerstar wails.

"This is exactly why we're here!" She mutters. Tammy looks at the two cats, and then back to Mapleshade.

"They definitely need some help!' She purrs. Mapleshade nods.

"Alright, cats! Let's get crackin'."

* * *

"But I wanna see!" Timmy whines.

"No! For the-" Mapleshade counts on her paws, "Twenty-fifth time! This is business, not kit-sitting!"

"Pleeeeeaaaseeee? Please Mapleshade?" Bartleby mews, pressing his paws together.

"We'll be good!" Tammy purrs. "Pleeeaaassseee?"

"Fine." Mapleshade grumbles, letting the four kits into the counseling room. Silverstream nods approvingly.

"Anyone want some juice?" Hawkfrost asks. The kits jump all over him.

"Yes, please!" Jasmine squeaks.

"Pomegranate!" Tammy chirps from her spot on the floor. Hawkfrost purrs.

"Alright. Man, I can't wait to have kits! You four are awesome! In fact, you don't even need to call me Hawkfrost. Call me _Uncle_ Hawkfrost!" He leans down and touches noses with Timmy.

"Hawkfrost, hurry up!" Silverstream mews. "Our clients are waiting!"

"Yes, and I would like a raspberry lime ricky, extra whipped cream." Sasha adds, settling herself on the couch.

"Blood orange!" Tigerstar grunts. "With extra blood!" Hawkfrost sighs and shakes his head.

"Dad, there's no blood in a blood orange…" He meows.

"Don't talk to me like that, son! Ten demerits! Ten more, and I'll slice your throat!" Tigerstar growls.

"Honey! Don't talk to my baby like that!" Sasha frowns. "He's too sweet to die!"

"Mom, I'm already dead. Twice." Hawkfrost groans. "Don't baby me!"

"Well dear, I just worry about you!" Sasha mews, licking her kit behind his ears. "How's my little Mothykins?"

"Ermm…well, she doesn't speak to me anymore." Hawkfrost mutters. "Now, I've gotta go make some juice."

"That sounds so _wrong_!" Tammy giggles. Even Mapleshade lets out a snort of amusement. Silverstream just rolls her eyes.

"You all act like kits sometimes!" She sighs.

"I am a kit." Tammy points out, using a rather obnoxious 'Well, _duh_.' voice.

"One more sassy word outta you, missy, and I'll-" Silverstream threatens, her voice teasing.

"Ahem. I thought we were supposed to be getting help?" Sasha interrupts.

"Oh, yes." Mapleshade meows, sliding on her spectacles and retrieving her clipboard from the side table. "Now, Sasha, what is your problem with this relationship?"

"Well, first off, he's evil! He won't reform! All he talks about is blood, and death, and pain, and leadership, and Firestar! Ugh! And, he believes that when cats die, they go to 'Starclan'. Seriously, that's crazy! When cats die, they're gone! Kaput! Dead forever! But he wants to kill cats that are already dead! He won't go to therapy when obviously he needs it! He's crazy!" Sasha rants.

"I'm not crazy!" Tigerstar thunders. "Bluestar's still out there! And Firestar! And Bramblestar! And every other cat who's betrayed me! I will kill them all! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" He cackles. Tammy looks at him curiously, and whispers to Bartleby,

"I think he's a few slices short of a loaf, if you know what I mean!" Bartleby nods, eyes transfixed on the "crazy" tom.

"See what I mean?" Sasha complains. "_And_ I caught him on the phone with his ex-mate! He was talking to her! At midnight! And he didn't even try to deny it!" Tigerstar's amber eyes widen.

"So I'm not allowed to talk to Goldenflower? It's not my fault she's prettier than you! Too bad our kits were goody-goodies…ewww. EVIL IS SEXY! BWAHAHAHAHA!" Sasha's eyes tear up.

"I'm so prettier than her1 You take that back!" She wails.

"NEVER!" Tigerstar yowls. Then, he looks around, suddenly realizing where he is. "MAPLESHADE! YOU TRAITOR! HOW DARE YOU RUN A BUSINESS WITH SILVERSTREAM, MATE OF THE BESTFRIEND OF MY ENEMY! HOW DARE MY SON REFORM AND DO CHARITY WORK! WHO ARE THESE ANNOYING KITS?"

"We're not annoying!" Jasmine squeaks.

"Yeah! You're smelly!" Timmy adds.

"They're…umm…Firestar's siblings…" Mapleshade meows, looking down at the floor.

"DIE, USELESS SCUM KIN OF FIRESTAR!" TIGERSTAR ROARS. "DIE! DIE! DIE AT THE CLAWS OF THE ALIMIGHTY ALLPOWERFUL, SCOURGE OF THE FOREST, TIGERSTAR! MWAHAHAHAHAHA-*cough cough, hack* I'M OKAY! BUT YOU WILL ALL DIEEEEEEEEE!" Tigerstar leaps forward, toppling Mapleshade first.

"Streamy! Help!" She meows desperately, clawing at the burly dark brown tabby on top of her. Silverstream glances over at Sasha.

"Call the police! And the insane asylum! They're both on speed dial. I mean, I _do_ work with ex-criminals." Sasha nods, grabbing Silverstream's phone and quickly types into it. The silver tabby she-cat launches herself at Tigerstar, and immediately gets and bite to the shoulder.

"Ow! Mapleshade! I'm not the enemy here!" Silverstream screeches. At that very moment, Hawkfrost enters the room.

"I've got juices for the best kits in the world! And for the worst parents in the territories! See, look, I've got-HOLY STARCLAN!" He shrieks, seeing the writhing mass of fur and claws on the floor.

"IT'S NOT STARCLAN! IT'S THE DARKFOREST! HAWKFROST, I HATE YOU! DIEEEEE!" Tigerstar screams, swiping at his son. Hawkfrost falls, and the tray full of juices flys everywhere, staining fur and fabric with vibrant, neon hues.

"Yay! Party!" Timmy squeals, clapping his paws together.

"Hello? Hello? Yes. My name is Sasha. Yes, I'm calling to report an insane tom. His name is Tigerstar. Mmmhmm. Yes, he's battling Mapleshade. Hello? Hello? Silverstream! They hung up on me!" Sasha wails.

"Good lawn this is bad…" Tammy mutters.

**Oh no! Poor kits...exposed to such things at a young age...Anyway, I think you can guess who'll be needing counseling soon! And Tammy, Bartleby, Jasmine, and Timmy will be able to watch their parents fight it out...heh heh. Anyway, I have a serious QOTD for y'all. Two, actually.**

**QOTD 1: What'd y'all think of this episode?**

**QOTD 2: I want you to read my other story, The Great Divide. Then, I want to know if it's worth continuing, or if I should give up. Ok?**

**In desperate need of new opinions, **

**-Bright**

**ps. Let's reach 90 reviews this time, people! Set a nice record!**


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